Velocity Equals Position Over Time

Guess what's happening*:

*This image was totally found in the October edition of my work's clip art.

This winter find out how Enik, a super intelligent Sleestak, went from a common upbringing to star in the 70's Saturday morning smash hit, Land of the Lost. However, fame was short lived and as fast as Eniks stardom rose, it came crashing down. Find out what this Saturday morning God has been up to for the last three decades.

Coming January 2005

Visit www.whereisEnik.com - Site Under Construction -

So I need some sweet, upbeat 50's sounding documentary-style music. But I don't know where to find some. Help me, pos.

(Also, Juls' girlfriend is next to me drawing ones and zeros over an entire page. I think she's becoming a robot.)

by the way, when you lose a level on this game, you get to see the most beautiful version of the King. Make sure to lose at least once.

In other news, since Jack can't get this game no matter how hard he tries at this point (even EB Games Online has the thing on back order), I've gone ahead and ordered him a copy to be delivered shortly. Enjoy...

It is! Santa came to save us all from the shittiest workday in years!

Looks like he has presents!

I'm a stupid. It's 7:50 AM and I have been at work for 30 60 hours lots of time. I could be home with my katamaris and my sly coopers like a happy little prince coon.

EVEN THOUGH MY FUCKING DAD WON'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I'M SO FUCKING SMALL YES I WILL ROLL MORE KATAMARIS AND BE JUST LIKE YOU POPPA K THX FUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK.

One of my bosses was here until 5:30 AM with me. She's insane too. Then she rolled some luggage out the door and across a walkway to a big ass hotel room where she probably showered and diddled herself with glee because she got to leave me in the hulking filth pit. I went and laid myself on our car bench couch for a few minutes and I wasn't even there for 10 before she rolled back in with her luggage and she had her hair done nice and she rolls past me and says in the most chipper of voices, "Okay! Time to go on a call and make us some money!"

This is what it takes to make money. This. I don't want it anymore.

Try to imagine the surprise and joy one can feel when going out to one's mailbox and discovering a red letter addressed to "Alexander 'Blumpkin Lord' McClung" written in fancy calligraphic writing.

I felt that joy. And it was good.

1) Pee Mail

2) Sticker final mode

Ben doesn't want the address on the sticker anymore, which sux cause it ruined what I thought was a pretty good typesetting job for the whole PSA thing. So, hopefully, this will work just as well.

UPDATE:

Alternate (if you blush at the thought of publicly affixing a sticker with the word "douchebag" written on it):

Alternate (if you think the other two are big stinking piles):

There, I'm done.

Apparently, I got so good at killing stuff they sent me to the Arena. It's pretty much what you think it is, only since I was such hot shit I decided I could do it naked. Which I did. Most of the enemies were pretty ordinary stuff that I've fought across Albion. Bandits, Hobbes, giant wasps, and rock trolls. Whisper came out during the third round to fight with me, but I swear to God that useless gunt didn't do shit. Seriously, where was she when I was getting my ass turned into mead by the rock trolls? She was off in the corner, running into one of the spinning blade traps over and over.

The "final" round we had to fight this giant scorpion thing that shot its babies at me. It was one of the most horrifying experiences I've ever had. After I mopped the floor with him, they announced a "final secret round" where I had to fight whisper.

Finally, I can get rid of that worthless hero. It was a short fight, and I beat her ass like a redheaded stepchild. Before I could strike the final blow, she pleaded for mercy. Yeah, right. Maybe if she hadn't dicked around during the rock troll round she'd still be around. Her brother was plenty pissed, but he's a gussy and I could lick him any day of the week. As a bonus, the totally hot mayor of Bowerstone thinks I'm hot shit now. Woo woo.

I picked up a new wife in Knothole Glen. Dowry was 500, not the best, but at least I didn't pay for the ring. Also, she puts out, which is good.

The mayor of Bowerstone has taking a liking to me, but the fucking bitch wants gems. Fuck that shit. I've got two other hoes I can bang. I did get her drunk, though, hoping that would satisfy her. It didn't, and things started to go downhill after I started to vomit at her feet.

I found this 'Temple of Skrom' thing in Darkwood. One of the dudes wanted me to bring 'followers' to him. I found some traders in a camp near by and brought them to the Temple. Turns out the temple guy wanted sacrifices. Whoops. Also, those merchants don't respawn. Shit.

Had my title changed from "Arseface" to "Piemaster." Now people say things like, "I can see Piemarster's been ea'in all the pies again!" And, "Awww, look at the piemarster wiv' all 'is pies!"

In Bowerstone, I found this place with, like, 10 chickens. I spent the next five minutes kicking them around for the hell of it. Upped my chicken-kicking distance record to 20! I'm still not sure what the units of measurements are around here.

Speaking of Bowerstone, I don't think I told you about the first time I step foot in there. Well, let's just say I was kicked out cause I was beating up the children.

The first wife is doing fine, though it looks like she's become the town drunk. I swear, as soon as the sun starts to set she's in the tavern. I'm beginning to wonder if she isn't seeing other men. Also, I got plastered for the hell of it, then I got like five other townsfolk drunk and made them follow me around for a little while. I lead them down to the beach, but then I started throwing up and it was so sweet.

When I rolled up my first fish, things started to make sense. When I rolled up my first small child, the issue was settled.

This game is made by Namco, the makers of Pac-Man. They have taken the Pac-Man formula, basically removed all enemies, and then placed the system into a real-world environment. It's pure bliss. Anybody who gives it less than a 10.0 is a douchebag.

This game is my next Rez mixed with my next Mr. Driller mixed with my next Little Prince.

I sit and stare at the stars from my small planet, trying to decide if I should return to earth to reform some of the night sky.

If any of you don't have this game yet you should either get it or tell me to get it for you.

I've gone over the basic premise of the game before, so I'll skip that for now. Let's talk about what happened in our adventure into KD land yesterday.

Well, first off, my universe sized father urinated rainbows onto the universe, creating all things, including dancing polar bears and fish tied to balloons. Then, apparently, my father spun himself through space and destroyed all the stars, later claiming that he was being so, so very naughty. Of course, his voice sounds like records scratching.

First thing he did was put me in a yellow room with a ball, and make me play with it. My father, the universe-man, had made this room with planets and stars hanging from the ceiling. He was peeking in on me throuhg a hole in the ceiling. Then things got crazy. He filled the earth with 'things' and then commanded me to steal them all, saying that people would probably help me with a smile, or perchance a wave.

I blindly did his bidding, snatching up playing cards and legos and tree frogs and birds, until he was pleased.

Soon, I was given the task of recreating the Constellation "Cancer," and to do this I was placed inside a crab filled world. I picked up squirt guns, and crabs, and crabs pointing squirt guns at each other among other things, and he was very pleased with my performance.

UPDATE: By the way, whenever my father asks me to come visit him, he barfs up a rainbow for me to ride through space.

Today I killed a bunch of shit, but that's pretty much the 9 to 5 these days. I shagged my wife a bit more to make her happy. I bought a new home in Bowerstone South, too. People seem to fall in love with the mere sight of me, and I had at least 5 women (and at least one dude) ready for a wedding ring right off the bat. Well, seeing as how I lifted a fine ring from a shopkeep in Knothole Glade, I figured I'd get hitched again.

This one didn't go quite as well as my first wife (I guess actually my second wife seeing as how I married a dude the first time around). First off, the dowry was a mere 250 gold. Second, she wouldn't put out no matter what. Well, I decided to end it right then in there. I didn't want to go through the messy divorce proceedings, so I tried to kill her. Tried being the operative. Stupid bitch wouldn't die. I swear, we fought so hard we broke the front doors off our house! Before I could get the final blow in, she divorced me. At least she rents out my house now, though I doubt that poor gunt will ever come up with the money.

I swear to god if that bitch doesn't pay me my rent I'm gonna take her to darkwood and leave her to the Hobbes.

I wanted to give this a couple weeks, mostly so I could scrounge up some extra cash. Well, the time to choose is now.

These were the two finalist sticker entries:

"Jet Plane"

"Zombie"

Either way you vote, Alex gets a free pos account, and we all get stickers. Have at it. Once the winner is chosen we'll need to send the psd's off to our sticker crew for tweaks and final approval, and then it's off to the sticker mines.

YO ITS BEN'S MENG BIRFDY AND WE'RE HERE TO SAY
HMM HMM HMMMM UHN UHN UHN ON THIS SPECIAL DAY
...BIRTHDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TO YOU?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY? TO YOU!
UHN UHN UHN

(now it's your turn, contribute in the comments section)

I've been playing Fable since Wednesday and it has consumed me. The setting is excellent, as is the social environment.

Why, just earlier this evening I was wandering down by the docks when several of the sailors started to fall in love with the sight of me. A couple roses, manly arm thrusts, and a box of chocolates later we were married. That's right, you can marry dudes in this game. You can also bang them, which I did with vim and vigor.

The next day I killed him 'cause I wanted to try it with a girl.

So I'm here alone... Answering all the phones, taking all the shit because everyone else is either in Virginia or felt the need to leave early, leaving me carrying all this shit.

I can only cover for people for about 2 hours before I have to admit they've left for the day, which is somehow my fault...

Soooo want to not answer the phone anymore.

Someone please shoot me.

well folks, i suppose it was only a matter of time before serving in the army paid off. this could change between now and november, nothing is conrete, but right now im signed up for this. check this out...

Avid Media Composer Editing Course 101, 3 days
Introduction to Avid Media Composer Effects Course 110, 2 days
Advanced Techniques for Avid Media Composer Course 201, 2 days
Creating Graphics and Mattes with Adobe Photoshop for Avid Editing Systems Course 210, 2 days
Advanced Avid Media Composer Effects Course 305, 3 days
Color Correction with Avid Media Composer and Xpress Pro Course 239, 1 day
Price
$4,950.00

i'm stoked because its on the new avid media composer adrenaline system, which itself is in the $35,000 range. and since my shop is getting one i need to know how to use it. it will be an all expenses paid trip to miami for the classes. lets hope it doesnt get cancelled like last time.

Apparently, Hostess hasn't been doing too well in the market lately. See, I think they've declared bankruptcy. I think this Atkins shit is to blame, but who really knows. I don't understand a whole hell of a lot about business and the law and stuff, but a judge gave Hostess 50 million in real money to keep their ovens hot. I assume that it's bad when a judge gives people money, since I don't think judges get paid a whole lot.

What this means is that if you've got a hankerin' for some Twinkees, you may as well get them now before they're gone forever. In fact, maybe you should buy like 50 boxes and sell them on eBay 10 years from now. I'm sure you'd make a killing. Or a Twinking.

This is pretty awesome, guys, especially considering the only content on my site is pos and blackbook at the moment.

If we keep this up I'm going to have to get a bigger hosting plan next year.

So, the ultimate girl that I like. Today in her livejournal she talked about not only shaolin soccer, but how much she wanted to play Donkey Kongo. How freaking ultimate can a girl get?

I'm psyched at the support you guys are willing to give me on this project. Super psyched, so thanks a ton. Here's how I'd like to proceed from here.

I might mail packs of letters and pieces to central locations (Chicago, Florida, and Korea) so that people there can distribute them as needed. But I need to know how many people we can get on this so I can cut the hammer up accordingly. So, all I need for now are some names of people willing to participate, and where they're at (State, Country is all). The other alternative is for me to mail them out to your friends. Just make sure they're willing to participate, and they have advance notice of what's going on .

The hammer's not that big, so I can only get about 10-20 good-sized pieces from it. Probably. We'll see.

[Edit: Just drop me an e-mail when you've got a list of peeps that can help out. amcclung@gmail.com].

`The Bush campaign put out a new TV ad ridiculing Kerry on Iraq and other issues. It shows Kerry windsurfing off Nantucket, left and right, and says his positions shift "whichever way the wind blows."

The Democrats struck back with their own ad that says: "In the face of the Iraq quagmire, George Bush's answer is to run a juvenile and tasteless attack ad."`

Ok, I want ask you Chicagans/Floridians/Koreans to help me out with a little prank. Here's the setup:

When I was at Hershey Park this weekend, a couple of my other 'macho' friends all took turns on one of those carnival games. It was the one where you hit something with a big hammer to make a little iron ball go up in the air to try and ring the bell. You know the one. Anyhow, as a "prize" they each won these inflatable mallets that make squeaky noises when you sequeeze the handle. They're pretty fun, actually, except they're just about the most flamboyantly gay things ever made. They're bright pink and green with yellow smileys all over it. Also, once properly inflated, they kind of resemble a penis.

So, one of my friends figured he was too macho for it and intentionally left it in my car, even though when I dropped him off he "had all [his] stuff". Berrrrrnnt! Busted. The hammer was blatantly lying on top of the seat next to him in plain sight. Well, that's not so bad. I can sort of understand someone who's totally not comfortable with being seen in public with me wanting to leave behind an extraordinarily gay inflatable hammerpenis. But, just for shits and giggles, I thought I'd try and get it back to him.

See, he'd also left his sweater in the car. So, what I did was carefully tuck the deflated hammer into his sweater, then gave it back to him on Monday evening. Tuesday evening, when I walked my doggers after work, I noticed the deflated hammer just lying there on my front steps.

I dunno if he intentionally left it there, or if he didn't notice it when it slipped out of his sweater, or what, but now it's on. I want him to get it back in the most unimaginably bizarre way possible.

Here's what I'm thinking: I'd mail someone the deflated hammer so you could mail it back to him, just in case he gets "clever" and decides to read the return-address on the package (or the stamp that the postal service puts on it with a zip code of the processing center - thus enabling him to figure out it was me).

The next part of the plan involves one, possibly two more steps. You could package it up and send it back to him right there. But I think I've talked to him about when I visited Chicago in the summer, so he might still know it was me sending it to you sending it to him (he's actually kinda smart). So, if anybody knows someone ouside of Chicago or Florida (cause he knows I went to school in Florida, too, and that I might still have friends there) or Maryland, you could send it to them, and they could then mail it back to my friend. Oh, I guess Korea's out, too, since Erik met my friend and I told him that you're in Korea now (unless you know some dudes from like China or Japtown or something). But I think sending my friend a package with kanji on it with a gay little hammer inside would be totally hilarious, even if he figured out where it really came from.

You could even take certain liberties with the packaging of the hammer. Like putting bright rainbow stickers on the cover, or putting little hearts over the 'i's, in stead of dots, in his name. Or send it to him piece by piece. I don't care. The point is: I want this hammer out of my hands, too, and I don't want him to know it was me what sent it to him.

So, who's in?

SecondPillow: Hey alex.

AlexMcAwesome: oi

SecondPillow: So, there's this girl who's the most incredible girl I've ever
met.

SecondPillow: And she has a boyfriend.

SecondPillow: What do you think I should do?

AlexMcAwesome: Convince the boyfriend he's totally gay.

AlexMcAwesome: Chicks hate gay guys.

SecondPillow: Yes.

AlexMcAwesome: A Kick Me sign could also do the trick, since
that's a total turn-off

SecondPillow: Or I could kill him.

AlexMcAwesome: Yeah, but that's so been done before. Chicks
love originality.

SecondPillow: But the one thing they love more than originality is killing.

AlexMcAwesome: Hmm, maybe I've been doing things wrong all
this time.

SecondPillow: Yeah. You should've been doing babes.

AlexMcAwesome: Babies?

SecondPillow: Yes.

So I was in the market for a new paperweight.

But I also needed something to cut my oranges upon...

Especially since they have become a luxury item only the rich can afford.

So I asked myself: "Self, what defines classy?"

It must be smaller than a breadbox...

But larger than a small handheld gaming system.

Thank you Sony. Now I have the best paperweight/orange cutting board/gaming system...

And to celebrate, a brief history of the Transformers:

Brought to you by BlackZarak. 

Transformers: A History

In the beginning, in dimension filled with life energy, called Zone Energy, there was only one Spark (or Lasercore), spawned from primal energies of that plane. The Original Spark (or Lasercore) had the ability to merge with any machine and become its central nervous system in order to give that machine life. Its offspring shared this ability. It divided into several smaller sparks, each possessing unimaginable power. Some of these sparks were violent and territorial, while others were peaceful and benevolent and shunned their brutal siblings. Many of the brutal sparks left the Zone Dimension, spread out across the universe, while the benevolent ones remained behind, growing in wisdom and knowledge.

The violent sparks devoured all life and destroyed all matter they encountered, growing stronger and stronger. When there was no matter left to devour they turned on each other. Most were destroyed or devoured by a powerful, dark spark. Some of the violent ones fled to other dimensions to escape the dark spark. Evetually all matter was destroyed and all life in the universe devoured, and that was left was the dark spark. Finally contented, the dark spark slumbered.

As it slept, the cosmic fragments of destroyed matter reacted with each other and created a new universe. The many of the benevolent sparks left the Zone Dimension and nurtured the newborn life that was growing in the universe.

Eventually, the dark spark awoke, and without questioning how this new universe came to be, began destroying and devouring anew. Most of the benevolent sparks were destroyed or devoured by the dark spark.

The most powerful of the benevolent sparks was found by an alien named Primacron, who named it Primus. As the Spark developed, Primus proved to be very powerful. Primus developed the power to reproduce without diminishing his own essence, unlike his siblings which multiplied by dividing, splitting into perfect duplicates of the parent (but with only half the strength and power of the parent Spark [or Lasercore], and thus giving their offspring common memories. Primus' children were individuals with no memories prior to creation. He found favor in the Primacron's sight. Primacron made Primus his assistant. Primacron would build magnificent robots (he even designed a body for Primus to inhabit) and Primus would fill them with life. Primus' joy grew greater and greater as more of his offspring came to life.

Primacron & Primus had worked together for many years upon a special project: a small planetoid that would fuel itself off of space debris, called Unicron, that could also transform into a robot. As the project neared completion, the dark spark found them. Primus battled the dark spark, but the dark spark was too powerful. Primus tricked the dark spark into merging with the Unicron body, trapping the dark spark within it, but also forging a psychic link between the two.

Primacron, unaware of the dark spark's existence, sees Unicron transform of its own accord. Primacron tries to override his creation, but to no avail. Unicron turns it's full fury upon Primacron's lab. Primus' body was destroyed, as well as his children. Primus, seeking to draw Unicron away from Primacron, fled, and led Unicron on a chase across the Galaxy. Primus finally hid within a large metallic, too large for Unicron to ingest. Frustrated, Unicron drifted away, to devour more and grow larger.

But Primus was not alone. Inside the planet lived metallic monsters, who devoured the very metal of the planet, as well as any other creature that happened to fall within their grasp. They attacked Primus, but were no match for him. Primus, unwilling to destroy another living being, placed the creatures into a deep sleep and entombed them deep within the planet.

Primus, sensing the mental link that he and Unicron shared, went into a trance, in the hope that he would remain hidden Unicron, perhaps even thought to be dead, until he was ready to face the dark spark again.

Millions of years passed. Unicron grew larger & larger with every meal. While journeying across the Galaxy, devouring planet after planet, Unicron decided on a new course of action. He found a race of sentient organic invertebrates on a planet the he was soon to devour. With some consideration, Unicron decided to use these creatures to his advantage. They had a very high intelligence potential, but were very weak bodied. He took them all and reformed them into Cyborgs, half-organic, half mechanoid. He placed into their unconscious minds to seek out Primus' planet and destroy anything resembling a Lasercore, or Spark, that they discovered and after preparing them for space travel, sent them off into the Galaxy. Unicron wiped their minds of any knowledge of himself, their homeworld or their "creation".

The Quintessons after thousands of years discovered and colonized the planet. They were merchants and capitalistic industrialists, so they mined the planet's ores, and rebuilt the planet into a gigantic factory. They named it Cybertron.

The Quintessons became VERY prosperous because of this Planet. It became home to them. After a failed attempt to produce Cyborg slaves (named TransOrganics), they chose to pursue completely mechanical servants. They produced Mechanoids for every possible use. The most successful were the Slave units (available in two forms, light duty/social work and heavy-duty slaves) and the Gladiator Units (mainly sold as Military Hardware). The Quintessons developed stellar energy gatherers on Cybertron. These units turned gathered energy into Two forms: Energon and Plasma Energy (the latter was potent, unstable, and destructive to mechanoids). Gigantic rocket boosters were also built to keep the planet aligned, for optimal life support around their home star.

The noise of such an industry stirred Primus, who was hidden deep within Cybertron. When Primus emerged, he saw a planet teaming with machines like he had never seen before. They were strong & versatile. They were exactly what he needed to prepare for the coming conflict with Unicron. Primus reproduced, and gave life to a few of the robots: some Gladiators, some Slaves. Primus wanted peaceful coexistence with the Quintessons, but upon discovering some of his Children, they quickly destroyed them. Every attempt a peace was met with the same response, death. The Quintessons viewed the Sparks as an infection and a threat to their way of life. They sought to kill every last one of Primus' Children. A war for survival had begun.
To bolster his forces, Primus begat more Sparks to live within more robots.

Primus and his children won a decisive battle at the planet's core, and Primus merged with the Supercomputer that ran the planetary factories, Vector Sigma. He placed his Lifeforce into a mobile receptacle to be carried by his Children, so that life could be spread. Only two of Primus' Children could access this "Matrix", one from the Slave class named Primon, the other, from the Gladiator class, named Maximo. They became the leaders of their respective races.

The Gladiator Class did most of the fighting, while the Slave Class kept up supply lines, repairs, and construction of new troops.

The Quintessons were losing the battle quickly. As often as they would kill a thousand robots, two thousand more would be created. As a final effort, the Quintessons built an army of giant robots, called Dark Guardians. With them the Quintessons hoped to finally eradicate the rebels. They didn't count on the Matrix or the resourceful rebel Autobot known as A-3. The Dark Guardians inflicted many casualties among the robots. The Quintessons finally had the upperhand. They had A-3 and his army cornered, ripe for destruction, but A-3 had developed a device called the Coda Remote, that could deactivate the Dark Guardians. At this point, A-3 activated the Coda Remote and shut down all of the Dark Guardians. The Quintessons lost their main advantage that day, but were able to retain control of much of the planet, until Primon used the Matrix to give life to the Dark Guardians (who afterwards became known only as Guardians). The Guardians joined Primon's and Maximo's rebels and together they drove the Quintessons from Cybertron. The Quintessons could not leave all of Cybertron's resources to the Rebels, then they would unstoppable. The Quintessons rigged Cybertron's greatest energy resource, the Plasma Energy Chamber, to overload any mechanoids that attempt to access it. The energon facilities were safe in rebel control.

The Quintessons would continue to spy on their "Creations" and would even abduct some for experimentation, to find some weakness. In time, they learned how to clone the Sparks of their abductees, although they "dumbed them down" for control purposes, and began production of a new type of servant.

Thus begins the Golden age of Cybertron.

With peace at hand, and fearing that his Children are not ready to fight Unicron, Primus goes back into his trance. Vector Sigma continues to function with Primus' intellect within its memory banks. The Matrix is used as communication with Primus, since his essence is mingled with that of Primon. Primon becomes a sort of Avatar of Primus. Primus & Primon are joined at a Psychic level, but one so deep that Unicron isn't aware of it.

At this time the Transformers could reproduce by splitting (as seen in G2 comics).

Hundreds of thousands of years pass, and the Robots, who had adopted the names Autobot & Decepticon for the Slave & Gladiator class, respectively, coexisted peacefully. Many of the robots, who were previously known only by letter and number designations chose names for themselves, for example, A-3 changed his name to Alpha Trion.

For millennia, Primon grew in popularity and respect from both sides. He became so respected that many Decepticons held his word above Maximo's. Maximo watched as more and more of his "children" turned their backs on him to follow Primon.

Unicron watched Primus' children from far across the galaxy. He was not quite powerful enough to destroy Cybertron, so he concocted a plan to destroy Primus without having to come near him. Unicron would teleport some of Primus' children and keep them unconscious to study them. They were not unlike the ones that they had built with Primacron, but were much more powerful. Many that he abducted were given background programs to cause unrest and chaos among Primus' children. Maximo was one taken to Unicron. Unicron sensed his discontent. Unicron awoke Maximo. He made a proposal to Maximo. If he would bring the Matrix to Unicron, the Chaos Bringer would grant him his wildest dreams. Maximo was tempted, but felt that he could not betray his "father". So, Unicron rewrote Maximo's Spark (or Lasercore) and Programming to mimic his own. There was very little of Primus left in his heart. After this Maximo was VERY willing to perform Unicron's task. But Unicron had put too much of himself into Maximo. Treachery filled Maximo's being. Maximo thought of a way to destroy Primus and Unicron. Maximo would steal the Matrix, the source of Primon's power & wisdom, and merge with Primus for himself. Then He alone would rule with the Power of BOTH titans.

When the time was right, he tried to knock Primon unconscious and then take the Matrix secretly, but Primon proved too powerful for Maximo to quietly subdue. Maximo killed Primon and took the Matrix. Upon accessing the Matrix, Maximo grew in size, strength, and intellect. He then changed his name to LIEGE MAXIMO. Due to the changes made by Unicron, the merge was not smooth and Liege Maximo was transformed into a hideous being. Several Autobots came to investigate the noises of the struggle, and found Liege Maximo standing over Primon's Body. He killed all but one (whom he had left for dead). He then returned back to the Decepticons and claimed sovereign rule of Cybertron, by Primus' own hand.

The Survivor told the story of what happened to the other Autobots, and an outraged group of Autobots approached Castle Decepticon to bring Liege Maximo to justice. These were slaughtered without mercy by Maximo's elite guard.

This and other diplomatic disasters touched off the 1st Cybertronian war. The Guardians, whom no one could match, quelled this war. The Matrix rejected Liege Maximo and was rescued by the Autobot who later became Prima, after an epic battle. Liege Maximo retreated into the depths of Cybertron, where he went into hiding, influencing events from the background and shadows. Many of the Original Autobots and Decepticons were destroyed during this war.

Hundreds of thousands of years pass.

The Decepticons and Autobots mistrust of each other grew as time went on. The two races seldom interacted, and had even begun to dwell separately. Treatment of the Autobots worsened in the Decepticon sectors until the Decepticons finally started enslaving the Autobots that wandered too near their territories.

When this was discovered, the Second Cybertronian War began. It was a short-lived war due again to the intervention of the Guardians. It was during this war that they developed the Ability to transform.
Cybertronians abducted by the Quintessons at this time would share this new discovery with their former "masters", through force, of course. The end result was a limitless group of killing machines known as Sharkticons. Prima was killed in the Second War, as was his successor, Prime Nova. The Matrix was passed to a new Autobot leader, who became Sentinel Prime. At this time, there was a predetermined memory erasure of the former reproduction by division. This was instituted by Primus, and completely affected every Transformer. Now the only way for them to reproduce was either through Vector Sigma, or the Matrix.

After this, attempts at reconciliation were started, and it looked as if they would succeed. During this time Primus was deified in a form of ancestor worship. This was started primarily by Liege Maximo, and the Cult of the Ultimate warrior was born. The Autobots who worshipped Primus became known as the Sons of Cybertron. Both groups destroyed all records of Unicron's name, thinking it a source of evil. Unicron was only to be referred to as "The Chaos Bringer". Also at this time a cult of the Chaos Bringer was started secretly. They alone possessed knowledge of Unicron's name. The following details the Cybertronians' religious aspects:

--The Sons of Cybertron--
The religion of the Autobots:
They deify Primus and believe that he alone is their Creator, that Primus chose Cybertron as the Final Battleground for fight with the Chaos Bringer.
They also believe that all Mechanoids should stay on Cybertron and protect their Sleeping Creator.
Regard all life as precious and worthy of existence.
Refer to Primus' Final Guardian as "The Last Autobot".
Basic Tenets include:
Equality among Sentient beings
Fight only when all peaceful means fail
The end does NOT justify the means
To them "Till all are one" means Reuniting Primus' Children.

--The Ultimate Warriors--
The religion of the Decepticons:
They also deify Primus and believe him to be their Sole Creator.
They think that the best way to protect Primus is to take the fight to the Chaos Bringer, so that he will come no where near Primus.
They hold that Cybertron should be a Capitol to a vast Cybertronian Empire, utilizing EVERY resource in the Galaxy to fight the Chaos Bringer.
They regard Primus' final guardian as "The Ultimate Warrior"
Basic Tenets include:
Esoteric warrior society (might makes right; the strongest shall lead)
Honor driven (honor among themselves)
Goal oriented (the End justifies the Means philosophy)
Believe that all other races should be subjugated to help in the battle to come. They are viewed as resources.
"Till all are one" means that all shall live under one Decepticon Empire.

--Souls of Cybertron--
Religion of some from both groups
They deify Primus, believe he is their Sole creator.
They are caught in the middle: they believe that the Decepticons should fight, while the Autobots support them with supplies and repair facilities on Cybertron, while the Autobots are guarding Primus.
They are indifferent to the Civil war.
They are xenophobic and believe that Cybertronians should stay uninvolved with Alien races.
Call Primus' final guardian "the Soul of Cybertron"(most are wiped out in the 3rd, Great, War, the survivors either joined one side or the other, or went into hiding)
Basic Tenets vary; many divisions exist among this group.
"Till all are one" means the day that distinction between Autobot & Decepticon are done away with.

--Bearers of the Void--
Unicron Worshippers
Deify Unicron, they believe Primus is dead
Try to hamper all preparation for Unicron's coming
Infiltrate other sects
Cause mistrust between Sects & Races
Facilitate the rivalry and division between Autobots & Decepticons
Constantly seek to assassinate the Matrix Bearer.
They are the only ones that know Unicron's true name; all others refer to Unicron as "the Chaos Bringer", "god of darkness", "god of the void", & "the fallen god".
Anyone who discovers them will either become one of them, or be killed by the "bearers".
Basic Tenets include:
Unicron will triumph
The Universe will be consumed
The Matrix is not Primus' Spark (or Lasercore), but a weapon developed by those who fear Unicron, to use against the Chaos Bringer
All beings that refuse to bow to Unicron, must be destroyed
The Autobots and Decepticons must NEVER be allowed to unite
Any means necessary to bring about Unicron's triumph must be enacted
Secrecy is top priority, disclosure could bring unity to the Cybertronians, and punishment by Unicron
"Till all are one" refers to Unicron's final triumph, and He has consumed everything and his chosen ones dwell on him.

--Evolutionaries--
Don't believe in Primus or Unicron
Believe that they evolved from Non-Living Machines that developed into Sentient Mechanoids.
Some joined the Autobot Cause for Moral or Political reasons, to overthrow the Decepticons genocidal conquest.
Others joined the Decepticons because they believe that they are the Epitome of the Perfect Lifeform & have the Inherent right to rule all that they survey.
Many pretend to follow another sect, often dwelling among them.
"Bearers of the Void" ALWAYS kill Evolutionaries for their unbelief.
With Evolutionaries, the end justifies the means, in most cases.
No basic tenets.
"Till all are one" is a political statement with varied meanings, to Evolutionaries.

Thousands of years passed.
As Unity was finally claiming victory across Cybertron, Liege Maximo developed a new plan for conquest & revenge. He would build a new type of Decepticon, stronger, faster, tougher, and complete with enough firepower to kill a guardian.

The Bearers of the Void used all of their resources to try to break up the Unity spreading across Cybertron. They exploited the Metallikato Tenet of spreading Decepticon Rule and take the final battle to Unicron by pitting Decepticon rulers against Autobot leaders that advocated staying on Cybertron and preparing for the Chaos Bringer's coming.
The Bearers convinced the Decepticon Leaders to utilize the Ancient Quintesson rocket boosters to make Cybertron a Mobile weapon. The Autobots vehemently opposed this action. The Decepticon army took control of the Rocket boosters by force. They restored the engines, but were stopped from igniting the boosters, by the Guardian robots, lead by a consortium of Autobot Leaders.

This was the final straw.
Liege Maximo created Three new Decepticons and took them to Vector Sigma to give them Life. They declared themselves: "Soundwave", "Shockwave" and the largest and strongest "Megatron". These Decepticons were also given the newly developed and top secret ability of personal flight.

These Decepticons were the first of a new army that would plunge Cybertron into the most destructive war yet, The 3rd Cybertronian War, also known as The Great War. Megatron slew Sentinel Prime, in hopes to steal the Matrix for himself, but the Matrix had known of Megatron's plan, and had been secreted away by the oldest living Autobot, Alpha Trion.

During the early stages of this war Megatron injured a young Autobot named Orion Pax. He was taken to Alpha Trion for repairs, who discovered that Orion Pax was the heir to the Matrix. After extensive reconstruction and merging with the Matrix, Orion Pax became Optimus Prime.

Megatron rose in power and popularity among the Decepticons, surpassing or eliminating all that stood between him and complete control of the Decepticon Military forces. No leader before had inspired or united the Decepticons as he had. Megatron forged the Decepticons into a single fighting entity bent on one goal: Peace through tyranny.

Two brilliant Cybertronian scientists, Skyfire and Starscream, left Cybertron to explore a previously uncharted planet. During the expedition Skyfire was lost. Starscream searched the planet, but never found Skyfire. Upon his return, Starscream forsook the quest for knowledge and fully committed himself to the Decepticon Cause, becoming one of the most vile and murderous soldiers in the Decepticon fleet. Eventually he rose to Aerospace Commander, second only to Megatron.

Optimus Prime taught the Autobots to fight back as the Guardians were exterminated one by one. With the Autobots' rebuilt battle ready bodies they were able to fight the Decepticons to a stalemate.

Megatron lead a successful raid on the Rocket Boosters. The Decepticons fired up the engines, and moved the Planet out of its orbit, destroying one of Cybertron's moons in the process. An Autobot attempt to override the Decepticon computer systems running the rockets to return Cybertron to its orbit failed miserably and the planet spun out of control into space. The rockets eventually burned themselves out, leaving Cybertron drifting out of control through space.

Sometime afterward, a Quintesson reconnaissance mission reported that Cybertron was gone, and a great deal of debris was left where it once was. The Quintessons assumed that their former slaves had finally destroyed each other, and took the Planet with them. The Quintessons rejoiced at the hated rebels' apparent demise. Justice, they felt, had been served. The Third Cybertronian War raged back and forth for 5 million years. Megatron and his Decepticon Scientists developed many new weapons of war. Megatron was able to sway the Constructicons to his side, and to betray their friend, Omega Supreme, in order to destroy an Autobot stronghold. In exchange for this favor, Megatron gave the Constructicons the newly invented ability to merge into a Giant robot, as large and powerful as a Guardian: Devastator. Omega Supreme, the last Guardian & only one to be given the ability to transform, was appalled by the destruction of his beloved Crystal City and betrayal by his best friends. He could only explain their treachery as a forced attempt by Megatron to rewrite the Constructicons programming. After an attempt by Devastator to reprogram Omega Supreme, Omega swore to get revenge on the Constructicons, and hunted them where ever they went.

Finally, Cybertron's resources were exhausted. There was no more fuel left. Planet wide blackouts were occurring.

Optimus Prime led a group of his best officers on a trek for more energy, to tip the balances of the war. Megatron discovered this plan and pursued them with a crew of his own.

Megatron had a Spacecruiser designed for interplanetary travel. A strange Crystal known as "The Heart of Cybertron" powered it. Its origin is shrouded in mystery. It was an object of unimaginable power found in the center of a world without any energy sources left. It is rumored that it is actually a piece of Primus' Spark (or Lasercore), or perhaps another god's.

Two asteroids collided near the two ships, pummeling them with fragments. The Decepticons were discovered following the Ark. A boarding party of Decepticons invaded the Ark's bridge.
All of the Ark's energy reserves were depleted from clearing a path through the asteroid fragments & from the insuing battle.
As they approached the third planet, its gravitational force pulled them down. The Decepticon ship followed behind on a crash course with the planet.

The 2 crews crashed on an alien planet, Earth, and were not heard from. An escape pod was released from the Decepticon ship, crashing on an island in the Pacific Ocean. The Decepticons who survived the crash imprinted on Earth Insects, and became known as Insecticons.

Shortly after Megatron's Disappearance, Liege Maximo came out of hiding and led the best Decepticons off to conquer other worlds, since their home was a dead husk. The Decepticon scientists had accidentally rediscovered the ability to reproduce through splitting. With a limitless supply of Decepticons, they were no longer dependent on Vector Sigma to repopulate. They left Cybertron on a mission of conquest. A group of Autobots followed them, but they were dispatched, and dumped on the Planet of Junk.

The Decepticons started advancing on the Galaxy, conquering Planet after Planet. At some point, the new Decepticon Empire left the Milky Way Galaxy and spread to Intergalactic Star Clusters. They established a center of power which they named "The Hub", with Liege Maximo as leader. The Decepticons renamed their empire "The Cybertronian Empire". They went about reforming planets, especially inhabited ones, into new versions of Cybertron, completely replacing indigenous lifeforms with Decepticon technology and soldiers.

Many groups of Autobots left Cybertron, some in search of Optimus Prime, others seeking to flee the war consuming their world.
One group of Autobots crashed on a previously uncharted world. It was uncharted, because it had not existed very long. In fact, it was manufactured...by the Quintessons. Its name was Quintessa, and it was the new home to the Quintessons. All of the crew perished either in the crash or after being devoured by the wild mechanoid beasts that roamed the planet. The Quintessons never even knew that the Autobots were there. Only one survived, a small feisty Autobot named Wheelie.
Shockwave stayed behind on Cybertron, left behind and unaware of Liege Maximo's departure, fighting the Autobots and leading the Decepticons that were still on the planet, awaiting Megatron's return.
Cybertron's progress was slowed massively, due to the constant energy shortages and planetary blackouts that would sometimes last for centuries or even millennia.
The Constructicons left Cybertron, to search for their lost leader, Megatron and to flee their persecutor, Omega Supreme.

Four Million Years Passed

Earth Year- 1965
A stellar radiation burst reaches the Planet of Junk. The blast of Energy revitalizes the crashed Autobot ship's computer repair program. 90% of the ship's memory and crew's memories were lost. The computer found only one functioning vehicle on the entire planet, a two wheeled ground vehicle, and modified the Robots to transform into variations of it. Seeking information to synthesize a working language for the robots, who dubbed themselves Junkions, the computer used radio signals that had been transmitted from Earth decades before, but were just reaching the planet. An entire culture was developed around these signals. Through alien radio signals they learned the Universal Greeting.

Earth Year- 1984
A volcanic eruption in Mt. St. Hilary infuses energy into the Ark's Computer, Teletran I. Teletran I's memory banks were damaged during the crash, four million years before. It no longer knew the difference between Autobot & Decepticon. Teletran I sent a probe called "SkySpy" out to survey the planet, & bring back information on any life it may contain. Due to lost memory files and computer damage, Skyspy machines as the dominant lifeforms. It prepared to adapt the Transformers to earth by making their secondary mode mimic the earth "lifeforms" that closest suited their Cybertronian functions.
Teletran I began by repairing a Decepticon, Skywarp. Skywarp then pulled Megatron into the repair beam. The other Decepticons followed shortly thereafter.

The following Decepticons were repaired by Teletran I: Megatron
Starscream
Thundercracker
Skywarp
Soundwave
Buzzsaw
Laserbeak
Ravage
Rumble
Frenzy
Reflector
The newly awakened Decepticons quickly set about their work where they left off. Megatron prepared to gather energy from the earth, and build a new Spacecruiser, in order to return to Cybertron.
Unfortunately, for the Decepticons, they had not seen the end of the Autobots. Against warnings from Megatron, Second-in command Starscream fired a few shots at the Ark.
This caused tremors to pass through the Ark; enough to cause Optimus Prime to fall into the path of the repair beam.
The repaired and reconfigured Optimus Prime quickly repaired the other Autobots. The Autobots were primarily configured after ground vehicles. The following Autobots were reactivated on the Ark:
Optimus Prime
Prowl
Jazz
Ironhide
Ratchet
Trailbreaker
Mirage
Bluestreak
Hound
Sideswipe
Sunstreaker
Wheeljack
Windcharger
Bumblebee
CliffJumper
Huffer
Brawn
Gears
The Decepticon Ravage was dispatched to investigate a possible Autobot sighting near the Decepticon stronghold. It was, in fact, a human vehicle, which Ravage had the pleasure to contact first. The humans fled for their lives.

The Decepticons went from place to place stealing resources and converting them into Energon Cubes. The Autobots attempted many times to thwart the Decepticons, but Megatron's forces prevailed and continued to gather Energon.

At one such battle, on an oil drilling platform, the Autobots made contact with humans and brought two back to the Ark for information on Earth and it's resources. They were Sparkplug Witwicky and his son, Spike. The Decepticons completed the new Spacecruiser and lifted off after a brief battle with the Autobots. The Autobot Mirage had stowed away aboard the Spacecruiser, where, upon discovery, he sabotaged the Decepticon's controls, and escaped from the ship.

The Spacecruiser crashed into the Atlantic Ocean. The Decepticons began developing the crashed spacecraft into an undersea base of operations. The Autobots obtained contact and alliances with many of Earth's Governments in exchange for technology.

The Decepticons contacted Cybertron. Shockwave was still in control, but the planet was in dire straits. New technology had been invented, a teleportational device called a Space Bridge, but Cybertron didn't have enough energy to test it properly. The initial attempt to send Energon over the Spacebridge failed, with the Cubes lost in space. During a battle Megatron was blown into the Space Bridge as it was activating. Due to his ability to pilot himself through the void of space over the Space Bridge, Megatron arrived on Cybertron safely.

Upon Megatron's return to Earth, he sought out a newly discovered Antimatter formula. With the help of a young human scientist, Chip Chase, Megatron was stopped before he could use the Antimatter effectively. Soon afterward Optimus Prime was injured in a battle with the Decepticon Jets and a later assassination attempt by Laserbeak. This prompted Chip Chase and several Autobots to travel to Cybertron by hitching a ride on the Space Bridge. This revealed that humans could travel and dwell on Cybertron, and breathe the atmosphere.

Investigating a sudden and dramatic drop in the Earth's temperature, the Autobots discover that the Decepticons had tapped into the Earth's molten interior and was turning the heat energy from inside the planet into Energon Cubes. During their excavation, the Decepticons discovered and revived Starscream's lost comrade Skyfire and inducted him into the Decepticons. While the Autobots fought the Decepticons, several Autobots were captured. Skyfire disobeyed an order to execute the Autobots and was shot by Starscream. The Autobots repaired Skyfire and he joined them. Skyfire became involved with a dogfight with Starscream. While defeating Starscream, Skyfire went into a nose-dive and crashed, buried beneath tons of arctic ice. A search team returned later and freed Skyfire from his icy prison.

Tremors from within Mt. St. Hilary prompted the Autobots to discover the fossils of dinosaurs. This discovery inspired Wheeljack and Ratchet to build three Autobots with the ability to transform into dinosaurs. They were named Grimlock, Slag, and Sludge, since the recently recovered sparks of the Dynabots were used to give life to their bodies. They had some programming and personality problems, mostly due to the lack of a vital element in Cybertronian Neuroprocessor construction, called Cybertonium. Initially, Optimus Prime had the Dinobots, as they were called, put away due to unpredictability, lack of control, and destructive tendencies(because of their immense size and strength), but they were later proved to be an asset, especially after Wheeljack developed a way to lessen the problems caused by their faulty Neuroprocessors. The Dinobots proved to still have major character flaws, which Megatron used to turn them against Optimus Prime. The Dinobots attacked Optimus Prime as he came to relieve them from guard duty. The Dinobots defeated Prime, but did not destroy him as Megatron had instructed. Meanwhile, under an earlier command from Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Chip Chase designed and constructed two new Dinobots, Snarl and Swoop, using the sparks from those two Dynabots. The original Dinobots turned the injured Autobot Leader over to Megatron. The new Dinobots arrived and engaged Grimlock, Slag and Sludge in combat. As the battle continue Grimlock was stunned and in danger. Optimus Prime pushed Grimlock from the peril.
Grimlock, Slag and Sludge realized that Megatron had manipulated them against a great leader. At this point, facing five Dinobots, Optimus Prime and Autobot reinforcements on the way, Megatron and his troops retreated. The original Dinobots reaffirmed their allegiance to Optimus Prime and the Autobot cause. Optimus accepted.

Soon afterward, Megatron enlisted a human scientist, a Doctor Archeville, to assist him in attempts to enslave the human race. Dr. Archeville invented a microchip, called a Hypnochip, that, when attached to a human head, would override the victim's freewill, making them mindless slaves. Megatron used these human slaves to keep Autobot fire off of his energy gathering installations. Megatron then used three Space Bridge ports, and the unwilling assistance of Optimus Prime, to teleport Cybertron itself in to Earth's orbit. Cybertron's gravitational pull started many natural disasters; earthquakes, floods, tidal waves, volcanic eruptions, and freak storms devastated the Earth. Spike, Brawn, Bumblebee, and Skyfire travel to Cybertron and discover a way to negate the affects of Dr. Archeville mind control chips. They returned just as Megatron prepared to fly a spacecraft loaded with enough Energon Cubes to revitalize Cybertron and give the Decepticons the edge that they needed to overpower the Autobots and conquer Earth. The Autobots deactivated the microchips. All weapons were directed upon Megatron's ship as it neared Cybertron. The Energon Cubes detonated and the resulting explosion knocked Cybertron out of Earth's orbit and sent it adrift through the Solar System, along with Megatron.

Presuming that Megatron had perished, Starscream assumed the role of Decepticon Leader. He immediately pursued Dr. Archeville and his scientific expertise, while the Autobots attempted to help Earth repair the damage caused by Cybertron's Gravity. Starscream uses another of the Doctor's inventions, an Exponential Generator, and sets it on a timer to explode and destroy the Earth. He then would gather the energy released, and revitalize Cybertron himself. Upon setting the bomb, Starscream forced Dr. Archeville to travel with him to Cybertron and await the Earth's impending doom. As Starscream waited on Cybertron, Megatron returned to Decepticon Headquarters and was informed by Laserbeak of Starscream's alliance with the Doctor. Megatron rushed to Dr. Archeville's laboratory to discover Starscream's plans. Optimus Prime arrived and the two leaders battled in the lab. Shockwave communicated an emergency message to Megatron about the bomb. Megatron and Optimus Prime worked together to defuse the bomb and shot it into space. Dr. Archeville was injured when he tried to override Starscream's bomb. He was "repaired" by service droids, resulting in his paralysis and immobilization. When the bomb did not go off on schedule, Starscream flew to earth to investigate. The bomb exploded near him and sent him hurtling to Earth, where he found, much to his dismay, that Megatron was alive and well.

Strange reports from the Pacific Island of Bali caused the Autobots and Decepticons to look for giant robotic insects. These turned out to be the Insecticons that had escaped from the original Decepticon Spacecruiser four million years earlier. They joined with Megatron in his attempts to steal resources and defeat the Autobots, but turned on Megatron and stole Energon from him when the Autobots gained an upperhand.

Megatron then challenged Optimus Prime to a trial by combat, with the loser and his army banished to wander deep space. To gain an edge Megatron had ALL of the earthbound Decepticons turn over their Power Rectifier chips in order to gain the special abilities of each Decepticon in addition to his own. This would disqualify Megatron, so he sent the newly arrived Constructicons to sabotage Teletran I, and by this cover the true source of his new powers. Optimus Prime was defeated easily by Megatron, but the Constructicons met with resistance from the Dinobots. Overwhelmed by the Dinobot's firepower, the Constructicons merged into the giant Decepticon, Devastator. While the Dinobots battled Devastator, the Autobots had Teletran I assess the damage to Optimus Prime. The Autobots discovered Megatron's treachery and joined the Dinobots in their fight against Devastator (who was joined by the Decepticons). Devastator was fooled by a hologram of an enormous Autobot that dwarfed even him. The Autobots then drove the Decepticons into a crevasse filled with molten lava. Months pass.
The Decepticons escaped their prison of liquid rock and began their campaign of conquest once again.
The work to repair the Ark uncovers a section of the ship thought to be completely lost. There they found several other Transformers who were thought to be dead. Many were beyond repair, but among those still alive and in stasis lock were 12 Autobots and 5 Decepticons. The Decepticons were retrieved by Megatron, who gave them modified Vehicle modes. These are the Autobots & Decepticons that were discovered:
Skids
Hoist
Smokescreen
Tracks
Inferno
Grapple
RedAlert
Blaster
Perceptor
Warpath
Powerglide
BeachComber
Thrust
Dirge
Ramjet
Blitzwing
Astrotrain
Temporal distortions on Earth allow the discovery of an island dubbed "Dinobot Island", when the Dinobots were temporarily relocated to hone their skills. Tracking the Constructicons across the galaxy, Omega Supreme arrived on Earth to find the Autobot Crew thought to be lost forever. He joins their ranks to protect the Ark, but secretly desires only to destroy Devastator.

Soon afterward, a group of Human archaeologists discover and unearth the lost Decepticon Spacecruiser, the Nemesis. Upon discovering this, Megatron sought to reclaim the Heart of Cybertron. He incorporated it into his body and became an immense powerhouse of destruction. Autobot Scientist, Perceptor, devised an plan to shrink 3 Autobots and to invade Megatron's body and remove the Heart of Cybertron. The Heart became unstable and threatened to cause a catastrophe on Earth, so once he was outside of Megatron's body, Perceptor shot the crystal into orbit, averting the disaster.
As the Decepticons began exploring space again, they began to expand their empire again. Several discoveries were made, such as: Microorganisms that devour Cybertronian metals known as "Cosmic Rust" Underworld connections to fuel the Decepticon Military Long forgotten resource centers for the empire and Life on other planetary bodies within earth's solar system. During this time, Megatron discovered one of the human Voyager Space Probes and placed a hidden message for future Decepticons upon it's Golden Disk.

The Autobots also began exploring to counter the Decepticon's conquest, and to build alliances with other alien races. "Female" Autobots were thought to be extinct, until a group of them were found in hiding: being led by Elita One and the ancient Autobot, Alpha Trion.
In order to give himself more ground troops, Megatron stole an Activation Key to Vector Sigma from Alpha Trion to give life to his newest warriors, the Stunticons, who merged into the giant Menasor. To counter the Decepticon's air superiority by bolstering their own air force and add another Combiner giant to their effort, Alpha Trion merged with Vector Sigma to allow Optimus Prime to give life to the Aerialbots. They combined to form Superion.
Due to a disagreement with Megatron, Starscream was humiliated in front of the other Decepticons. Starscream planned a coup by stealing the lasercores of five incarcerated Decepticons that had rebelled against Megatron. He rebuilt these Decepticons into the Combaticons, who merged into Bruticus. Bruticus engaged Devastator in battle and had gained the upper hand when Menasor interfered, making Megatron the victor. Megatron exiled Starscream and his Combaticons into deep space.

Starscream deserted the Combaticons as they drifted through space on an asteroid. The Asteroid drifted close to Cybertron, where the Combaticons attacked the planet and ejected Shockwave into space. They then set the Spacebridge to move the Earth into the Sun in order to kill Megatron & the Autobots. Shockwave and Starscream met up in Space and returned to Cybertron, only to be captured, but not before Megatron was warned about the Earth's fiery fate. The Autobots and the Decepticons joined to fight against Bruticus. Starscream was reinstated as second-in-command after he revealed Bruticus' weakness. The Decepticons faked Bruticus' destruction in order to reprogram the Combaticons without the Autobots' knowledge. Soon afterward the Protectabots, who merge to form Defensor, joined the battle against the Decepticons.

In a second attempt to harvest the vast energy from Dinobot Island, Shockwave sends the Spacebridge to the strange island, so that he may send the gathered energy directly to Cybertron. Problems arise when the Spacebridge refuses to respond, due to the temporal interference around the island. Shockwave travels to Dinobot Island to repair the Spacebridge. The Dinobots, who are training again on the island, become aware of Shockwave's presence there. Shockwave repairs the Spacebridge and sends it back to Cybertron, but that causes a wholly unexpected disturbance in Dinobot Island's temporal energy: Shockwave and the Dinobots are sent back several million years into the island's past. Before Shockwave can try to fix the situation, he is attacked by the Dinobots. They battle furiously, but the fight ends in a draw as Shockwave is burried under tons of rock from a collapsing cliffside, and the Dinobots are forced into a huge tar pit and buried under debris. They all lay buried for millions of years.

Buster Witwicky, Sparkplug's youngest son, comes to live with his father. Sparkplug is much more protective over Buster than he is Spike, so he dislikes the prospect of Buster becoming caught up in the Transformers' conflict. Sparkplug opens a mechanic shop out of his house in Oregon, so that he can spend more time with Buster, while Spike and Carly continue as human liasons to the Autobots.There is little that he can do to stop that, as a battle breaks out at a Drive-In Movie theatre that Buster, his girlfriend Jessie, and his friend "O", are visiting, and Buster has to drive the wounded Bumblebee back to his home to save him. Reluctantly, Sparkplug allows Buster to get involved with the Autobots. In the mean time, Sparkplug works with Wheeljack and Perceptor on developing a new superfuel for the Autobots.

Elsewhere, the Decepticons take over the Harrison Nuclear Power Plant, and reshape it into a new land-based headquarters, named Castle Sinister. From there they learn of the Autobots' plan for a new Superfuel, and how Sparkplug Witwicky is a major contributor to the project. Desiring to steal the secrets of the new superfuel, the Decepticons kidnap Sparkplug and take him back to their new base. With Spike and Carly away on a mission in space, with Omega Supreme and Cosmos, Buster is left alone with the Autobots in the Ark.

Ratchet, unable to contact the Dinobots through Teletran-1, sends a probe to Dinobot Island to discover why the Dinobots have failed to respond. The Probe scans for Cybertronian lifesigns, and begins removing layers of earth from the first lifesign it discovers. It accidentally uncovers Shockwave, freeing him from his rocky prison, which has held him in stasis for millions of years. Shockwave destroys the Probe, and heads to the Decepticons' underwater Headquarters.

The Autobot Gears leads a mission to free Sparkplug and succeeds, but not before the Decepticons get the formula for the superfuel, and more. Sparkplug is traumatized by the ordeal, and is even less prepared for the accusations of weakness and cowardice that comes from some of the Autobots. He has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital by Ratchet and Buster.

Shockwave discovers the Decepticon Base deserted, scans from the computer that the other Decepticons have left to attack the Ark, powered by the SuperFuel. Shockwave leaves to assist the assault.

While Ratchet and Buster race to save Sparkplug's life, the Decepticons, powered up by the superfuel attack. The attack begins to go in the Decepticons favor, disabling and wounding many of the Autobots, but then something unexpected happens. The Decepticons writhe in pain and one by one drop to the ground. It turns out that the superfuel formula that Sparkplug gave the Decepticons is highly corrosive, and eats away at the Decepticons from the inside.
But just as the weakened and weary Autobots' victory seems assured, the ceiling explodes with fury. Shockwave, discovering the situation and weary of Megatron's repeated failures, arrives at the Ark and single handedly defeats the weakened Autobots; taking over the Ark and command of the Decepticons in one fell swoop. The three combiner teams, the Contructicons, Stunticons and Combaticons are all extremely damaged from the corrosive.

Shockwave takes all of the deactivated Autobots and strings them up within the Ark, as spare parts for the wounded Decepticons. He informs the recuperating Megatron that he is taking command. After years of successful campaigns on Cybertron, which is now almost completely under Decepticon control, Shockwave will no longer cow-tow to Megatron, who is proving to be inept through his repeated failures. Logic demands that Shockwave take command, for the good fo the Decepticons. Megatron is shocked and furious at Shockwave's treachery, and swears to make him pay for it. Shockwave, seeking the Matrix but uncertain as to exactly what it is, dismantles Optimus Prime, leaving only his head functional.

Buster and Ratchet leave the recovering Sparkplug in the hospital and return to the Ark to discover that the Decepticons are now in control of the Autobot Base. Ratchet waits in hiding, while Buster sneaks past Rumble and Frenzy, who are acting as door guards, to find the wounded Autobots and Optimus Prime's head. Optimus Prime, knowing what Shockwave is seeking, the creation aspect of the Matrix, passes that portion of the Matrix to Buster, to keep Shockwave from using the Matrix to create a new army of Decepticons, and repairing the gravely injured combiner teams. Buster sneaks out of the Ark, and informs Ratchet of the state of the Autobots. Ratchet returns Buster to his home, neither of them aware that Buster is carrying the creation aspect of the Matrix.

Meanwhile, Shockwave leads an attack on a new high-tech offshore Oil Platform/Refinery, developed by tycoon G.B. Blackrock and engineering prodigy Josie Beller. The Decepticons harvest the oil, but Beller suffers neurological damage from the attack. Blackrock has a helicopter take Beller to a hospital on the mainland, where they diagnose her as a quadraplegic, except for some motor skill in one of her arms. Josie Beller develops a pathological hatred for all Cybrtronians as she lay in her hospital bed, using her genius, and Blackrock's resources, to make a way for her to move again, and seek revenge.

After Shockwave and the Decepticons return from the successful raid on the Blackrock Oil Platform, Megatron, still recovering, attacks Shockwave. Shockwave easily subdues Megatron, and rather than kill a warrior of Megatron's stature, he forces Megatron to swear fealty to him. Though he outwardly swears loyalty to Shockwave, Megatron plots Shockwave's defeat. Shockwave takes all of the Decepticons, except Megatron (who is left on guard duty in the Ark), to harvest more oil from the conquered Blackrock offshore drilling platform/refinery, while sending Soundwave and his cassettes to infiltrate and takeover Blackrock Aerospace Plant #1. Soundwave successfully gets past the guards and enslaves the workers there. While the Decepticons are distracted, Ratchet sneaks back into the Ark and discovers the incapacitated Autobots, including Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime encourages Ratchet to find a way to stop the Decepticons, and to think as a warrior. Ratchet crept around the Ark, searching for something that would allow him to free his comrades, when he was discovered by Megatron.

Megatron gloated at Ratchet about how easily he could destroy the weak Autobot. As Megatron prepares to destroy Ratchet, Shockwave radioes in orders for Megatron to prepare the head of Optimus Prime for immediate transport. Megatron, in his anger at Shockwave, drops Ratchet and smashes the viewscreen. ratchet seeing an opportunity, thinks as a warrior, and strikes a deal with Megatron. Ratchet agrees to show Megatron Shockwave's destruction, in return Megatron promises to give the Ark, and the Autobots inside, over to Ratchet.

Ratchet rushes to Dinobot Island, and searches for the Dinobots. He finally finds them resting at the bottom of the Tar Pit. After a breif interlude with Slag, he finally convinces the Dinobots to come back to the Ark with him. Meanwhile, Back at the Ark, Shockwave arrives and takes Optimus Prime's head and the incapacitated Skyfire to his new base of operations, the Blackrock Aerspace Plant, leaving Megatron alone again, to guard the Ark.

Ratchet returns and greets Megatron at the appointed locaton, high atop a mountain near the Ark. Ratchet shows Megatron a video of the Dinobots destroying Shockwave (downloaded from the Dinobots' memories), fulfilling his deal to show Megatron Shockwave's demise at the hands of the Dinobots. Megatron believes that Shockwave is destroyed, and betrays Ratchet, stating that he will now destroy Ratchet, and be rid of the Autobots altogether. Ratchet knows that Megatron had no desire to fulfill his end of the bargain, so he has kept the Dinobots in hiding under the snow on the mountain top. As soon as Megatron shows signs of betrayal, Ratchet signals for the Dinobots to attack. Though not fully healed, Megatron proves to be more than a match for the Dinobots. Megatron stands at the edge of the cliff chiding Ratchet for his failed treachery. Ratchet, in sheer desperation rushes Megatron, but merely bounces off the powerful Decepticon's chest. Megatron continues mocking Ratchet, when suddenly the cliff crumbles from beneath Megatron and he falls. Megatron tries to fly, but his flight systems are still too damaged to help. Instead, he opts to transform into his small gun mode, to try to shield himself from as much damage as possible. Megatron falls down below the clouds and disappears into the snow, far, far down the mountain.

The Dinobots congratulate Ratchet on his victory, and turn to go to the Ark. Swoop rushes ahead of the others, though the skies. As he lands in front of the Ark, though, it is ambushed and badly damaged by an Autobot Guardian unit. The Guardian Unit, a sentry drone different from the giant Guardian robots of the past, has been reprogrammed by the Decepticons to attack any Autobots that it encounters. Ratchet and the other Dinobots arrive and assault the rogue Guardian. The Guardian takes massive damage, from Rachet zapping his cerebral access port with a laser scalpel,and flees into the depths of the Ark; the Dinobots pursue, seeking revenge for Swoop. Ratchet gets to work on repairing the other Autobots.

Wheeljack, revived by Ratchet, discovers that the Guardian is booby trapped with a thermonuclear bomb. If the Guardian is destroyed, the nuclear device will detonate, destroying the Ark, the Autobots and Mt. St. Hilary as well. Unable to reach the Dinobots in time, they usethe Ark's computers to remotely control Optimus Prime's headless body, which is near the Guardian and the Dinobots, to keep the Dinobots from destroying the Guardian and setting off the bomb.
The Guardian unit retreats deep into the volcano, and decides that it must activate its failsafe sequence to fulfill Shockwave's orders. It arms the thermonuclear bomb, begins a countdown and heads for the highest concentration of enemies, which happens to be Ratchet's repair bay. Ratchet is just completing the repairs on Swoop when the Guardian unit bursts through the doors and begins attacking the other Dinobots. To save the Autobots and the Ark, Swoop grabs the Guardian Unit, and flies it as far as he can away from the Ark. He releases the Guardian just before it explodes. The Autobots are unable to find Swoop's body, and assume that he was completely destroyed by the nuclear blast. After a memorial ceremony honoring Swoop, the Dinobots part ways with the Autobots, choosing to go their own way.

Meanwhile, at the Blackrock Chronic Care Institute, Josie Beller completes her creation; a suit made completely of microcircuitry, capable of not only restoring her mobility fully, but also enabling her limited flight (using electromagnetism), the ability to access computers and storage media with a mere thought and giving her the ability to generate massive blasts of electricity. She nicknames herself "Circuit Breaker" and leaves the hospital plotting revenge upon all of the Cybertronian Robots, for whom she feels only patholgical hatred.

At the same time, G. B. Blackrock, enraged at the loss of two of his facilities to the Decepticons, plans to unveil a weapon his engineers have designed to combat the robots, a Photonic Cannon. Upon hearing of Blackrock's plans, the Autobots decide to send envoys, to try to form an alliance with Blackrock. Blackrock's vast control of fuel reserves would greatly help the Autobots in their fight. Shortly before th unveiling of his Photonic Cannon, Blackrock has an impromptu meeting with Jazz, who explains that the Autobots want to help protect Blackrock Enterprises in return for fuel. Blackrock agrees, and the two of them return to the unveiling ceremony. Unfortunately, when the Cannon is supposed to display its firepower, it malfunctions, because Circuit Breaker has sabotaged it. She wishes for Blackrock to use her and her creation to destroy the robots. Blackrock wants to refuse, wishing for Josie to suffer no more harm at the hands of the Decepticons, but he feels trapped. Fortunately, he doesn't get a chance to decide, because Starscream and Frezy swoop down from the sky, seeking to destroy the Photonic Cannon.

Circuit Breaker leaps into action, preparing to assault the Decepticons with her electrical blasts, when Jazz and Wheeljack intervene to protect Blackrock. Circuit Breaker,, refusing to distinguish one robot from another, first blasts Jazz, disabling his arm and gun, allowing Starscream to hit him with his cluster bombs.Wheeljack enters the fray, taking Frenzy out, while Circuit Breaker blasts Starscream, keeping him from blasting Wheeljack as well. Wheeljack thanks Circuit Breaker for the assistance, but she returns the Autobot's gratitude with a massive blast of electricity. Wheeljack goes down, and Josie preapres the killing stroke. Blackrock rushes in and begs Circuit Breaker to spare teh Autobots lives, because they are friends and not foes. Josie restrains her fury enough to blast the robot mock-up that Blackrock had prepared for the demonstration, and agrees to spare Jazz & Wheeljack for now, but next time, Blackrock will not be able to stop her. In the confusion, as dazed and wounded Starscream and Frenzy retreat back to the Aerospace Plant.

Back at the Aerospace Plant, Shockwave uses the residual Matrix energy in Optimus Prime's head to heal the Constructicons, making Devastator fully operational again. Shockwave disassembles Skyfire in order to gather technical information, so he can make a fleet of Decepticons created from Skyfire's unique body design, which is superior in speed and firepower to the current Decepticon airfighter design. Skyfire is reassembled without his lasercore (which is left in stasis), so that further tests and studies may continue, without the resistance of Skyfire's free will.

The Autobots figure out, with Blackrock's help that they can eavesdrop on the Decepticons in the Aerospace plant using the special telephone system that Blackrock has installed within it. They listen, as Shockwave figures out that Optimus Prime no longer holds the creation matrix, and discovers that Buster Witwicky is the most likely candidate to possess it. Laserbeak follows Bumblebee & Bluestreak to Buster's location, then relays the data to Shockwave. Not willing to waste any more time, Shockwave orders Skyfire, now a sparkless drone, to quickly retrieve the human boy and bring him to Shockwave. Without a lasercore, Skyfire complies.

Bluestreak and Bumblebee battle Laserbeak and Skyfire to protect Buster. Laserbeak is easily defeated by Bluestreak, but Skyfire is not so easily dispatched. Skyfire is finally brought down when Buster uses the power of the creation matrix to stop the sparkless robot. The creation matrix gives Buster the ability to disassemble, reassemble and mentally program any sparkless machine. Buster reprograms Jetfire to obey only him, and sets off in the jet, in a plan to rescue Optimus Prime from the Aerospace Plant. Meanwhile, Soundwave detects that they are being listened to by the Autobots, so Shockwave decides to use their spying against them.

Buster arrives at the Aerospace plant unconscious, because he blacked out from the massive g-forces exterted on him from Skyfire's manouvering. While Shockwave hold Buster captive, he reveals that he will dump Optimus Prime's head in a nearby swamp. In reality, though, it will be a false head, that Shockwave will use to remotely control Optimus Prime's body, and destroy the Autobots, with the help of several Decepticons, who lay in wait. He has Skyfire drop the false head in the swamp, and the Autobots retrieve it, attaching it to Optimus' body. When Skyfire returns, however, Buster reawakens and uses Skyfire to attack Shockwave, and take Optimus' real head to the Autobots, as well as freeing the human hostages. Optimus Prime is able to override Shockwave's control and re-attach his head to his body. Many Autobots are hurt, but Optmus repels the Decepticons who are attacking them. Shockwave arrives and confronts Optimus. Optimus defeats Shockwave and throws him into the swamp. As Shockwave sinks into the mire, he mocks Optimus saying that he has still failed, for by this time, Shockwave's machines will have extracted the creation matrix from Buster's head, and given life to hundreds of new Decepticons who await life in the plant. Optimus rushes to save Buster, but, to his surprise, he finds that Buster is already free. Buster used the creation matrix to free himself from Shockwave's machinery, thwarting the Decepticon's plan. They restore Skyfire's spark to his body, and Buster passes the creation matrix back to Optimus Prime.

Back in the Ark a heated debate divides the Autobots. Prowl suggests that the recently returned Creation Matrix should be used to create an army of Super-Autobots, designed solely for fighting, in oirder to bring the war, and the Decepticons, to a swift end. Jazz opposes this, saying that it's a perversion of the Creation Matrix, and not the Autobot way. The Autobots divide behind each view's proponent, and they all demand that Optimus Prime make a decision on this plan. Optimus Prime states that it would be wrong, and dangerous to Earth to make such beings to destroy the Decepticons, but even he doubts his decision after hearing the grumbling and murmurs from the Autobots. Ravage overhears the debate, and allows the Autobot sensors to detect him. The Autobots pursue and capture Ravage, as Laserbeak watches. Laserbeak reports back to Soundwave, who is acting as Commander in Shockwave and Megatron's absence, much to the disdain of Starscream. The Autobots lock Ravage up in one of their Maximum Security cells, but Ravage easily escapes. Bumblebee discovers that Ravage has escaped and informs Prime, who is still in debate with Prowl over the creation of Super-Autobots. Prowl tells Bumblebee to get Mirage and Hound to pursue Ravage, but Bumblebee decides to disobey and chase after the Decepticon himself.

Bumblebee tracks Ravage across the desert, and is led into a Decepticon ambush. The Decepticons easily overpower Bumblebee, and drop Bumblebee's severed arm outside Autobot headquarters as a challenge to Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime accepts the challenge and battles the Decepticons. He defeats Rumble, then the Decepticon Jets, paying particular attention to Starscream, who gleefully gloats about the many leaders he has slain, before Optimus silences the Decepticon. Optimus then defeats Soundwave and rescues Bumblebee. Optimus returns with his resolve and purpose renewed. He announces that he has made his decision; the Autobots are not killers and will not risk innocent lives in order to gain victory. His decision silences all dissent.

Elsewhere, disgruntled Roxxon researcher Professor P. Morris, discovers the body of the lost Dinobot, Swoop, in the bottom of Lake Dena (a man-made reservoir in Northern Oregon). He uses his invention, the Neural Relay Link, to take control of Swoop's body, and live vicariously through the Dinobot's body and his device. Discovered using his device (which is actually owned by Roxxon Corporation) without permission, he accidentally uses Swoop to kill a security guard, after the guard tries to blackmail Morris. Morris then uses Swoop to attack the Autobots, thinking that all Transformers are the products of Roxxon's greatest competitor, G. B. Blackrock.

The Autobots battle Swoop, refraining from using lethal force, seeking only to subdue what they think to be just a rogue comrade. The Autobots fight to bring their former ally under control using force, but to no avail. Finally, Optimus Prime remembers how much Swoop despised his authority, and shouts out a direct order to Swoop. Something deep inside Swoop snaps, enraged with rebellion against Prime, and Professor Morris loses control of the Dinobot. Swoop then turns and angrily flies towards Morris' lab. Morris, realizing that he had taken control of a living being, and not one of Blackrock's constructs, begs for Swoop to spare him. Remorse for killing the guard strikes Morris, and he tells Swoop that he does deserve to die for what he has done. Swoop takes the human out and presents him to Optimus Prime, as the cause for all of the trouble. The Autobots forgive Morris, but state that he will have to be punished for his crimes according to human laws. Suddenly, Swoop turns feral and begins attacking the Autobots. Morris uses his device to bring Swoop back under control, so that the Autobots may return him to the Ark for repairs. Morris then vows to turn himself in to the authorities, as the Autobots leave. After they get back to the Ark, the Autobots discover that Swoop is suffering from a neurological degenration, a flaw in his design most likely aggravated the millions of years that he spent buried in the tar pit, that has more than likely affected the other Dinobots, who are roaming free, and shared his time trapped in the tar. The Autobots break into teams to track down the Dinobots.

The Autobots tracks down Snarl in Nevada's Black Rock Desert. Mirage, Brawn and Trailbreaker track Snarl to a secret US Military base, after the Dinobot attacks a contingent of curious soldiers. Te commander of the secret base, General Carl Thompson, uses all of the force available to him to repel that mad Dinobot, but to no avai

OMG PSTWOAH

Extra points if you string a narrative together by going to those image URLs and getting the other images in the series.

a few weeks ago, on a lark, i signed up for a free eharmony.com profile posting, ya know... "just to see." initially i limited my search field to local folk only as i figured what would be the point otherwise. during the first go round of searching i was shown i had one match. so i took a look at her profile and though she had a child she seemed like an interesting personality to at least get to know. also, seeing as she had a child the limited hormonal influence that i do have coursing through my body cited that if not she herself were a slut, then she probably has slutty friends. giggidy-giggidy.

thusly motivated, i sent her a standard issue "charming, introductory e:mail from mike wong™", of course excluding any mention of sluts or sluttiness. anywho... weeks pass with no response, so earlier this past weekend i was killing time and thought i'd scope out the status in eharmony.com land. not only did i find that there were no new matches, but also the previous lone match had closed communication.

after a moment of regret and consideration as to whether or not i should have just gone for broke in the introductory e:mail and called her a slut, my train of thought shifted to widening the search field to: THE ENTIRE CONTINENTAL U.S.!!!1

and to my surprise within 24 hours the marvleous fiend of a match-making software engine found my one true love located in california...

... much to my surprise she's a 5 feet tall, hearing impaired, latin girl with horrible grammar.

sweet.

One thing I forgot to mention about Hershey Park was the Redemption Center, which I guess is where people could go to redeem themselves from a life of sin.

It sure does.

I want this thing:

It looks like its main reason for existing is to compete with the upcoming Nintendo DS this holiday season (PSTwo comes out Nov. 1 for $99-150, and the NDS comes out Nov. 21 for $150), which is fine, as of right now I'd much rather have one of these guys than a DS if they're the same price. I mean, I have a PDA and I have a gameboy... They aren't really devices that I want combined barring any substantially amazing software. It's not like I'm hoping for any ports of N64 games (as we all were hoping for SNES ports to the GBA), since there're only 2 N64 games that I want that I don't have: Sin and Punishment (a Japangame) and Bakuretsu Muteki Bangaioh (a Japangame that was later ported to Dreamcast).

Meanwhile, my PS2 is starting to get Disc Read Errors 3/4 times I boot it, so I'll be very pleased to keep my old box around for the sole purpose of imports and... uhhh... DVD-Rs. Couple in the fact that this thing comes with the network adapter pre-installed and I'm going to need to hook it up.

POS: Where all Zombie-Monsters come to get the funny.

Thumbs up, buddies! Thought I'd drop one into the bucket while it was still top-of-mind.

Chris promised me nachos, but then there were none. Don't vote for Chris. I served with him.

Also, if you didn't see the Venture Brothers from last night, you need to die and shut up and then get it from me somehow. Hopefuly the show will be able to maintain this level of unbelievable comedy. Even Jess, who loathes such things, was giggling when a giant retarded monster kept saying "He make Cody hurtcry. He make me hurtcry. My heart. Ow."

The things they did to the Fantastic Four: remarkable.

Today I went to an amusement park called "Hershey Park." We got there by driving along the Hershey Highway, and when we got there we did all sorts of things like ride the chocloate rollercoaster. We also got to pack lots of fudge.

There were these people there who would draw your picture, and I was going to have them draw a picture of me as a lumberjack fighting a huge cyborg-bear that was shooting a lazer beam out of one of its eyes and catching my arm on fire while I popped a huge boner, but all the drawmens were busy and I never did get one. The next time I find one, though, it's on.

UPDATE: My trip was so sweet, apparently, that last night I dreamt that I was standing in line for hours without doing anything.

Windows peeps having trouble with Azureus: give G3 a snort. It's awesome.

try this on for size (I haven't tested distributing it yet, but I've got it working in my browser). We'll see.

UPDATE:

OK, That didn't work. But if you click that you'll get to see what the plugin looks like (pretty easy to adapt to any site you want, or even stuff like webmail clients and stuff).

Try this one.

UPDATE 2: Hell yes... Firefox wins.

SMALL LEFFAUEOG RULES OUR ICON.

ALso, I'll post my search plugin tomorrow. It's pretty neat.

So I've been effing around with POVRay again lately, since I have an excuse to use it at work now, and because it's totally the easiest 3D rendering program to use and also the stupidest thing ever.

See, POVRay has this totally shitty new feature called "photon mapping," and what it basically simulates is actual particles of light being refracted, and occasionally dispersed, through shit. Like glass. Or clouds. Or a glass ball that contains clouds. Here's an example of what I mean:

That's totally gay, right? Jesus christ, no wonder POVRay is free, and Maya's like 50 billion dollars. You can even adjust the amount of dispersion. So, by turning it off, all those stupid rainbows go away and you're left with a totally shitty looking this:

Oh, and I don't think I can talk about radiosity without vomiting.

That's actually not the best example of what radiosity can do, since it's way lamer when you've got like 30 objects in a scene and they can all light each other with only a single light source.

One last thing. POVRay's got this super homosex feature that lets you test to see if an object is inside another (or inside a bounding box, or sphere, or cock-shape, or whatever). That means you totally can't do shit like randomly place an infinte number of objects and make sure they don't intersect. I mean, who'd want to do that, right?

Pfashhh. More like POVGay.

so I made a pos search bar plugin for Firefox, and I need somebody to choose a damn favicon so I can distribute it to ya'lls.

♥

This is the Atlantic Ocean.
Now, I can't guarantee it, but it's possible that it MAY be capable of holding all teh comes that I spewed because of how amazing Sky Captain is. See it.

I opened up my wallet and it was full of blood.

Since this month's newest shipment of slave babes from siberia is especially babelicimous, I've decided to dole out the entire shipment to whichever POS poster has the sweetest room.

This is the bedpad. I sleep behind the curtain of barely functional controllers.

Ultimate toy collection. I found all of these inside past babe shipments, which is why everyone should try to win.

This is the curtain of barely functional game controllers. Only uber-suave dudes can have these. I also found them in the babes.

haha its ben's best friend

This is one of my buddies. He watches me while I sleep.

This is my sweet loft. Note how it's made of rickety chairs instead of the proper materials. This is because the downstairs lounge is full of unused lofts. It's for safety.

This is what I have so far of the plush abortion monster. I could probably fit some babes inside him. NEW CONTEST

This is my other best buddy. Gary Bolding gave me an A for him, back when he had teeth and two eyes.

Most retardawesome playstaion controller ever. Note how L1 and L2 are actually on the front right, to accomodate the spacetumor.

SEEN ME BEFORE CHRIS HAHA?

This is the PS1. It sits on the laserdisc's open tray for maximum gameability.

This is my Saturn. We haven't hung out much lately, but she's still my girlfriend.

Dear Friends and Neighbors,

I'm writing to inquire about the gold stamp on blackbook and whether or not it is now open to the public for use. Are we out of beta? Can I input all my favorite mythological friends and fantasy characters? I want everyone to be able to phone Capt. Beardalicious if they want! Cats love him:

1-877-BEARDED.

I just installed

1.0 preview.

They're having a competition over at spreadfirefox.com to see if they can get 1,000,000 downloads in under 10 days.

As of right now they've passed 500,000 with 8 days left.

I've been preaching Firefox to all of the Windows people I know of late, but with this release I'm just gonna' tell everybody to just download it and delete every other program on their computer.

Just shut up and get it.

You'll love it. It has a built in RSS reader, and it lets you (easily) drop pos' feed into your bookmark bar. Now I just check to see the last 20 posts. Same thing with penny-arcade and slashdot, to start. Just go to those sites and hit the RSS button that appears in the status bar. I also just noticed how effing sexy find-as-you-type is. Basically, go to a page, hit ctrl (or command) -F and then start typing.

Enjoy.

There are also a few extensions that you absolutely need in order to complete the experience:

Tab Browser Extensions
All-In-One Gestures
GMail Notifier (if you use gmail)

All it needs is a decent AIM plugin (like the old netscape one) and my internet would be complete.

Excuse me while I search amazong and then ebay using my little search bar up top that comes in my full-featured, standard compliant web browser.

Also, Chris. When I talk to you and you're on the phone, you need to hang up the phone. Don't ever not do that. Especially when it's about Menards.

In other news, the first official Half-Life 2 Release Candidate was sent from Valve to Vivendi Universal. This means that Half-Life 2 is done, and it could go gold soon (this would be a wise decision on VU's part, since Halo 2 will eat up holiday sales like Will eats beer).

UPDATE: Holy shit. I just added IMDB and astalavista to my search bar.

I just got back from Wal-mans.
I have 16 pounds of stuffing.
It's time to make me an abortion monster.

I'm going crazy today.

I needed something to calm my nerves.

Thankfully, Eric had shared the George W Bush Singers debut record.

BRAIN ISno bettr,

UPDATE: HOLY CRAP GALATEA IS SLOW NOW.

UPDATE 2: I'm uppinG TO BBURBANK DOa com.a inste9.

Sly Cooper is one of my favorite games of all time, and its been 2 years since I've been to its magnificent world.

Well, Sly 2 just dropped, and it's more of the same: amazing technology, unbelievably entertaining level design, atmosphere, and apparently a whole ton of fun. Its presentation does everything that the first game did, right down to the title screen that's actually part of the first level, hurtling you right into the action. I hope there are more sniping missions. And I hope there are more levels like the one in the swamp, where you have to basically free-style walk your way to justice.

Too bad I have to work today.

Speaking of which, Fable more like Gayble mofre like Fablol is a damn fine game as well. It's like Morrowind, only simpler, and stream-lined, and fun. It is, however a moot point, more of an asterix, really. We're getting KotOR 2 and Jade Empire this December. Why the crap would I play Fable?

I just felt like letting the readers of pos know that, as of this time, Whalen has yet to create any kind of lab schedule. Which means none of the lab assistants can do their jobs, which means any DA kid who isn't me or one of the four lab assistants, and wants to do their work, is p0wn3d.

LOLOLOLLORFOLKFKGJK

Film at eleven.

Everyone loves magical trevor,
the tricks that he does are ever so clever...

from the dude that did 'badger badger badger'

Sorry Jack, I didn't have a baby, but I am currently at work, using all my strength to restrain myself from going crazy and pulling a Jerry Mcguire, and debating whether I should write my letter of resignation right now (because I'm still bord as hell), or later. This makes all those damn hurricanes worth it. I hope they give me time off for benwedding.

Thanks for the support everyone, I got the damn job.

does anybody know what an "IO Error" in azureus means? cause that's pretty much what all my torrents are giving me...

I AM EATING SOME DARK CHOCOLOTE THAT MY mMOM BOUGHT ME FROM BED BATH AND BEYOND AND NOW I AM ORGANISMING IN MY GIRLBOOBS.

http://galatea.stetson.edu/~jfields/chairZ.mov

3 takedown.

Is anyone wondering if it was a bad idea for Ben to give me a POS account, so now I can post ess up on here?

Thank you Ben.

(Jack, now I will no longer have to post about Batman when you are talking about abortion!)

Follow this link and click on "TV Intros".

Dance a happy dance because of your happiness.

Then listen to this song featuring Beyoncé and Led Zeppelin in musical matrimony. It's "Crazy in Love" mixed with "Moby Dick". The title?

Crazy Dick.

This one'll blow your panties off it's SO HOTT. I'll post more if you likey. It's worth noting that I saw a commercial over the weekend where Beyoncé is laying on white sheets or something, tight crop shot of just her face and she's just singing into the camera raw style, no mic work with starts and stops and mess-ups and it's as if you were just lying there next to her and she's singing to you on a breezy summer day. I decided that's exactly how I want to die.

seriously, wtf.

"Hard to find"

for how happy this news makes me.

Nico, the sequel to Ico, has apparently been cancelled.

However.

And I'm nearly laughing with sheer joy as I type this...

There is going to be a sequel to Ico. It has been officially announced. It is, however, more of a spinoff.

It is called 'Wanda (Wonder) and the Colossus.'

It looks like this:

According to people who can read japanese, they said that the Colossus pictured there is apparently made out of the remnants of the castle from Ico. The main character (we're assuming his name is Wanda) has to climb the Colossus and remove somebody from his head.

This is the most amazing gaming news I have encountered.

I'm still shaking with anticipation.

We'll know more in November, apparently.

UPDATE: image now links to the teaser site. I haven't ruled out the horse-rider being Ico, or Ico's offspring. If you haven't finished Ico yet, then you don't know that there's a chance that Ico is dead, so this might just be some wandering (wondering?) adventurer. This game could also be a prequel to Ico, and the horse-rider could have some relationship to Ico / Yorda. For instance, he might 'slay' the Colossus in the end, turning it into the castle that Ico later finds.

Holy shit. My speculation gland is filled with pus.

UPDATE 2: it looks like the game is scheduled for release in Japan on September 24, 2005. The following day is my birthday.

Holy shit.

description off of box:

"Cookies and kebabs, lawn mowers and lamp posts, synchronized swimmers and sumo wrestlers, bulldozers and windmills, giraffes and brontosauruses, Ferris wheels and cruise ships beware! The stop-at-nothing pushing prince is coming.

When the King of All Cosmos accidentally destroys all the stars in the sky, he orders you, his pint-sized princely son, to put the twinkle back in the heavens above. How, you ask? By rolling everything and anything on earth into clumps, so he can replace what's missing in space."

The game comes out on the September 21 with a kickass MSRP of $19.99. You probably won't see it in stores unless you pre-order, but you'll be able to get it online at EB and probably gamestop.

Either way, this wins best toy, and all other toys need to STFU.

UPDATE: the image now links to the wallpaper database for this game.

instead of making a dymanic release date list, I'll just post some release dates in the extended entry. What the fuck does that even mean, me?

this:

September 14
Fable (Xbox)
Gradius V (PS2)
Guardian Heroes Advance (GBA)
Sly 2: Band of Thieves (PS2)

September 22
X-Men Legends (all)

September 27
Donkey Konga (GC)

September 28
Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne (PS2)
Evil Genius (PC)

September 29
Growlanser: Generations Deluxe Pack (PS2)

October 4
Metal Slug Advance (GBA)

October 5
Tony Hawk Underground 2 (all)

October 11
Paper Mario 2 (GC)

October 12
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas (PS2)
Outrun 2 (Xbox)

October 18
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2)
Kirby and the Amazing Mirror (GBA)
Megaman Zero 3 (GBA)

October 19
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (all)
Boktai 2 (GBA)
The Bard's Tale (Xbox, PS2)

November 2
Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (all)
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (PS2)
Godzilla: Save the Earth (Xbox, PS2)
Mega Man X8 (GC)

November 9
Capcom Fighting Evlolution (PS2)
Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal (PS2)
Mega Man Anniversary Collection (GBA)
Halo 2: Limited Edition (Xbox)

November 15
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (GC)
Golden Eye: Rogue Agent (all)
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (PS2)

November 16
Altered Beast (PS2)
Prince of Persia 2 (all)
Baten Kaitos (GC)
Resident Evil 4 (GC)
Suikoden IV (PS2)
Sid Meier's Pirates! (PC)

November 17
Zelda: The Minish Cap (GBA)

November 23
Viewtiful Joe 2 (GC)
Jak 3 (PS2)
Neo Contra (PS2)

November 29
Dungeon Siege 2 (PC)

December 6
Mario Party 6 (GC)
Mario Tennis (GC)

December 7
Devil May Cry 3 (PS2)
Jade Empire (Xbox)
Conker: Live and Reloaded (Xbox)

On top of all this, there's also Half-Life 2, which could drop at any time, and Gran Turismo 4, which I don't care about. By the way, these were only the games that I personally desire. There's also Pikmin 2, which came out last week, that I'm down with.

Jess and Seanius are on deck.

Also, I just noticed that I made Jack way too small. I was trying to make Ben really huge, but I forgot about that when I made everyone else, so I ended up making Jack really small. Hmm.

*Edit: Ben, would you prefer a controller from a different console?

I love you.
There are many reasons why I feel compelled to tell you this. Part of it is the fact that Warhammer 40,000 is totally sweet. Another is the awesome way you handle resources. But the biggest reason you make the bon3rs spew from my titties is these dudes:

Now, Dreadnoughts were cool enough before you came around. After all, they were walking sarcophagi with guns attached to them. But then. Oh, but then. You came around, and I got to see these dudes in action. Oh, how the floor around me became littered with bon3rs when I saw you pick up an ork with your flamethrower-claw, hold it aloft, crush its spine, shoot flames through the blood spewing body, spin it around a few times, and finally throw the flaming, ruined corpse into the air like a rag doll. Your carnage makes me cry with happiness like no other game that I can think of does.

[CENSORED]

Leffage

Alex mad

Aquamans

Benbot

Sly 2 is 'Game of the Month' in this month's EGM, beating Fable and Donkey Konga. This is very bad news, because I was going to pass it up to save some cashes. You see, Sly Cooper 1 is the best platforming game in the world, and a sequel could have potentially gone sour, allowing me to save my moneys until the game went Greatest Hits. Last month, Burnout 3 won the prize.

Goddamnit.

I guess I'll have to go back to EB and do my 'turn $10 into $20' trick a few times to right the world.

The next comment is the 1300th comment. That's 300 comments in less than a month, meaning that Florida has only been hit by 10 more hurricanes than we've had comments in the same period.

Also, butt beads.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that BlackBook is finally ready for public use. It's still not a final version yet, since there are a number of features left to implement, but it's stable (and useful!). I've also set up a testing server on my machine, complete with a mockup MySQL database, so I don't fuck up Ben's nice host.

That means new versions will just get uploaded to bburbank.com after I make sure they work. Kind of like magic.

I would now like to invite any of you POS readers to send me an e-mail (amcclung@gmail.com) if you would like an account. Existing BlackBook members can now sleep safely at night knowing that I'm not going to do anything to hurt their precious contacts.

That is all.

BEN INSTALLD JESS AND HIMSELF TO INTERNET. DRAW THEM ON THE INTERNET PLZ.

Sticker Contest final mode has begun. The first run of stickers is down to Zombie or Jet Plane. Both of them might need some small changes in order to send them off to stickerguy, but we're going to hopefully have the design approved by the end of tomorrow.

Second order of business: the new Shin Megami Tensei game is dead sexy. I like it better than Star Ocean 3, a game that has no reason to not be as good as it should be. In SMT: Nocturne, the world has just ended and it's 1939. The Devil grants you life and you battle demons through the most surreal world that I've seen realized in playable form.

Third order of business: I found a fish in Phantom Brave. It is currently more powerful than all of my swords combined, and I have given it to my small bottleman. My Slime currently weilds a stone tomahawk. This game is STFU. I have a picture of Pringer-X in the strategy guide.

Ben needs to make a favorites icon for POS so that I can easily find it in my stinking pile of bookmarks.

New contest?

I'm going to stop playing all my games and wait til this baby comes to america. The Woodcube is a combination snes, n64, and ps1, all brought together with the power of wood and love. I'm going to play phantom brave on it.

I wanted to share something very special and intimate with all of you, but while I continue to work on my virtual information superhighway eyeball sex device (VISHESD) I'll just tell you about how I used blackbook today to solve a puzzle and advance to the next level.

I was seperated from my phone this morning, and up to this point I've used it exclusively as a way to catalog numbers for loved ones and prostitutes. I have failed to commit anyone's new number here in Chicago to memory, and as a result I would have no real way to communicate this information to anyone without the aid of my phone.

So it just stands to reason that the one morning I'm without a phone someone requests a way to get in touch with me later on in the day. Knowing they can't reach me by cell, I think quickly - Eric! Eric has a phone, right? But ... what's his number? I know! I'll just look it up really quick on my cell ph-- AW FUCK! Someone else has a phone - yes! Ben, or Mel, or Will, or Jess, even! Yes, and their numbers are ... OH GOOD CHRIST I DON'T KNOW ANYONE'S FUCKING NUMBER! And there I was, looking like a total dumb chode with no reasonable way to contact these "friends" with phones that I say I have ...

UNTIL! I remember the glory that is the blackbook lord on high and I quickly zip to an internet connection, procuring Eric's phone number by way of Will's public contact record that I've so thoughtfully added to my own contact list. Suddenly it all made sense: blackbook's creation, the private/public contact lists, the shared resource idea, the beautiful functionality of this wonderful tool, the foresight and ingenuity of the team behind its conception - yes, this was what the world had been waiting for. And in that very moment I realized that blackbook was the way and the truth and that we had, in fact, stolen land from the Indians.

So thank you, blackbook, for being the wonderful resource you are and proving your limitless value in my life. Now, here's a story about a cold-blooded puppy who doesn't give a fuuuuuu--

Dog Pwns Owner in Duel

One final question: is it officially safe to add our contact collections to the bbook? Or are we still planning to do a clean database wipe before opening it up for public consumption? I might suggest that we figure out what to do about transferring contacts prior to doing the grande opening, but other than that I feel like she's good to be gold.

Phantom Brave is harder than my job.

It's amazing how smart the gameplay is now. It takes Disgaea and adds the craziest customization system of all time, and then adds in some of the absolute best skills I've ever witnessed. I think it is the first NIS game that most perfectly suited my needs and desires.

One class, the Titlist, whose main purpose is changing people's titles outside of battle, has this ability:

When you 'confine' him into an object, he explodes. Literally, when you summon this character, he emits a small concentrated explosion that gets more powerful as he levels up.

You can, over time, give this skill to other characters or objects (since all characters are objects and vice-versa, and either of them can be used as weapons). There's an enemy called a 'Hell Corgi' that is just a giant fat corgi with demon eyes. As SOON as I can recruit one, I'll give it this explode ability, and all of the people on the map will FLIP OUT AT GIANT CORGI BOMB.

Also, the final FINAL FINAL boss in the game, long after you've completed the story mode, is a level 9999+ mecha Prinny (kinda' like a zombie penguin) named Pringer-X (based on Mazinger/Panda Z). This is by far my favorite game that Nippon Ichi has put out, and I urge fans of Disgaea to give it the chance that La Pucelle didn't deserve. It has a very endearing story, decent music, and an ass-rocking combat system. The post-game stuff is pretty neat, too, since you'll get to find out what happens after Disgaea. This alone has made me insterested in playing Disgaea again...

Of course, you're all probably just going to play Burnout 3 instead. Maybe Jack wil play Phantom Brave, but probably not.

It looks like Shaun of the Dead is coming to theatres here in the United States on September 25th.

I urge, urge, you all to go see it. The movie's tagline is:

"A love story...with zombies."

Come on! What more could you want?!

Today I had a Burnout day.

On the way to work, it was all rainy kind of, so the streets were all slick and shit. So, some gunt slams on the brakes of her 1980 Cavalier POS and starts to skid around all over the fucking road. She eventually comes to a complete stop at about a 35° angle, with the front left corner of her car sticking about a foot and a half into my lane.

I slammed on my ABS brakes, which were all like "thdrrkkrkrkrkddhhttddddtdtdtdtddrrrr", and I zipped past her all like, "brrrrrp!" Then I got like 50 boost points for the near miss and I zipped on into my office only 30 minutes late.

Frances wins.

Sometimes I poop and it smells bad.

♥ Your son,
     Alex

It seems our last Letters From our Readers was quite popular, so Grandma's erotic poetry will have to take a back seat 'til next week. This time, I'll be reading from three of our readers' letters. Our first letter comes, once again, from our good friend Will.

Well, Will, it seems we have opened quite the Pandora's Box! Ho Ho HO!

The extra dates thing you mention isn't quite that important, to me at least. We've got this handy-dandy "Notes" field to put all that extraneous information in. Granted, if enough people want to have an "anneversary date" added to people in their BlackBook, I suppose I could work it into a feature. I just don't see it as something that could apply to a large number of people (I could be wrong, though).

My next question also answers a question that both Will and Chris asked. Here's what Chris had to say:

Chris, for shits and giggles, you should try right now to delete your sister from the BlackBook. In the confirmation window, you'll notice some text warning you that other people (Will) have your sister in their BlackBook, and that deleting her from your BlackBook would also delete her from Will's (and anyone else that had her in their BlackBook, too). (The same deal happens if you were to decide you wanted to make your sister a private entry.) You can still go ahead and delete her, but at least you are aware of what you'd be doing to other peoples' BlackBooks. I think your idea of passing ownership of a record from one person to another is absolutely wonderful, and it's pretty easy to do, I'm just not entirely sure how I'd like that to materialize into an interface.

Finally, let me turn to Ben's question, who has brought up an interesting idea in our Jane Doe Scenario. Ben writes:

I wrote a short reply in the comments section, but I could probably do a better job of explaining things.

I would not like to make every record have a unique first and last name combination, simply because there are tons and tons of people out there with the same first and last name, many within my own family. So, even checking for someone named "Jane Doe" within my own records (as was your first suggestion) wouldn't gaurantee one record being updated.

The next best 'primary key' I can think of would be e-mail address, since no two people have the same e-mail address. The problem is, not everybody has an e-mail address. So that's pretty much out of the question. Like I said in my original comment, I could embed some notation in the Notes field of the V-Card, since that does seem to hang around when importing and exporting from Address Book, but I've been raised by NASA to never, ever reveal anything remotely close to the nature of the database's internal workings to the outside world. I would, somehow need to identify which table the record belongs in (the Members table, or Contacts table), and their primary key. Hackers and micheif-makers would jizz their pants if they saw this, which is why I'm hesatant to do that.

Oh, wait, I could encrypt that information, and just put in a big long string like: "RID: 69faab6268350295550de7d587bc323d", but again, if someone deleted that from the notes, the database would treat it like a new record when they went to import that record back in again (again, I am working in a NASA-centric frame of mind, where you have freaking rocket scientists who do this kind of crap all the time). So, I'm only a little hesatant to do that.

Finally, Will, I almost forgot about your Drive Me, Bitch! question. Yes, I noticed that, too, in Jack's entry. I have a number of possible solutions in my demented little brain of mine, but I believe the most elegant solution is to let PHP do all the work and find a line in one of the three address fields that looks most like a street address (i.e. a bunch of numbers followed by a bunch of letters, and maybe a space or two) and use that, in stead of the first non-blank address field.

Well, that's about all I had this time . . . oh, wait! It looks like we've got a last-minute letter from Will. Let's see, Will writes:

You could use BlackBook as your pribary address book for all your contacts that you wouldn't want to keep ultra-private, and keep your ultra-private records elsewhere.

I realize it would be nice to have BlackBook import your existing contacts from other programs, and we're certainly working on it, so I won't say "yes" or "no" quite yet, but do know that we're trying to figure out the best solution, still. I think we're on the right track, but it'll probably take some more fiddling to get it right.

Your last comment brings up a feature in Apple's Address Book that I was actually toying with before. It would be nice to have sub-categories within your own BlackBook. For example, a list of Family, Friends, Herr Doktors, Girls I'd Like to Eff, and Girls I'd like to Eff but Can't Cause They Have STDs. This would be not too hard to do at all, and at the same time hard to do.

The real problem would be what to do with Members who add other members' contacts to their own BlackBook. Let's take Chris' sister as an example. Naturally, Chris would put her sister in a 'Family' list, but to Will she's not family. So that means there needs to be a way, within the database, for someone to specify what category a contact is in when that contact is owned by someone else.

Right now, there's no framework for that at all, and to create that kind of framework would pretty much mean that I would have to re-write the database structure from the ground-up. Not so good. The other alternative is to do this:

You (Will) could organize your contacts into these separate "classes" as you called them (Friends, Family, whatever). When I (or someone else) adds one of your contacts to my BlackBook, they would show up in a "shared contacts" category (or something similarly named) to indicate that this record is actually maintained by someone else, and all I want to do is keep up-to-date with their info. Within my own BlackBook (read: contacts that I own and other people can 'subscribe' to) I can organize contacts however I like and nobody would know who's my Friend and who's got an STD. Personally, I think this sounds pretty cool, although again, I have no idea how I would materialize this into an interface (assigning the 'category' would be easy - displaying this information, not so easy unless I re-think how the BlackBook is displayed from the ground-up, which I don't really want to do cause I think it looks pretty damn nice anyway).

Really, though, do you need to be reminded of who your friends and family are? Again, the Notes field could contain this information, and if you were looking for a certain someone but couldn't remember their name, you could always use the newly-implemented search feature, which I finished yesterday, to help find them.

Well, that's all the questions I've had today. If there are any more, they'll just have to wait because my CT is kicking in and I can't type any more.

Ciao!

Blackbook has been very successful, and it has filled me with unbelievable wants.

Would anybody be interested in working on a game, like for realZZZ this time? I know I still want to play Duck Pond Simulator (DPS), and I think it could be fun to do some hard core programming again. This would be something that we wouldn't really get started on for a little while, but it would be neat to toss around ideas. Personlly, I want a side-scrolling shooter where you drive a firetruck. And I would also like to see a turn-based strategy (tragedy) game set in the pos universe.

Phantom Brave is so in tune with my desires, it's uncanny.

This thing is in my party, and it wields dead bodies:

Hello friends, and welcome to a segment I like to call: Letters From our Readers, where we, POS, read from your, you, letters. Here's one from a fan named 'William O'Neill.' Will writes:

Well, Will. Thanks for writing in. The first question you ask actually raises a very important development issue I ran into yesterday. I was working on the V-Card import/export, when I realized that importing would be really, really fucking hard to do. See, there's no solid way for me (the programmer) to identify which record in the database a particular person goes to when I import it from a V-Card (which is the default format that Address Book on OS X exports to). Here's an example:

Let's say I have someone named Jane Doe in my BlackBook and in my Address Book on my laptop. Let's say Jane gets a new cell phone, so I update her number on my laptop. Now I want to upload her new card to BlackBook, because that would be super cool, but there's a big problem. It turns out that Ben also has someone named Jane Doe in his BlackBook, only his Jane Doe lives in Montana and doesn't have a cell phone because she's a crack-whore who can barely afford the bag of Doritos she lives off of, let alone a cell phone. If I were to upload my Jane Doe to BlackBook, both Ben's and my Jane Doe would have the same information.

Databases have this thing called a 'primary key', which is a sure-fire way to identify one and only one record in a database. In our Jane Doe example, there isn't a primary key (if we were to use first name and last name as a primary key, we would get two records: my Jane Doe, and Ben's - therefore, telling the database to update someone named "Jane Doe" with this new information would change both records at the same time!). Now, I wrote BlackBook so that every record automatically gets a primary key, which is a number that gets assigned automatically by the database whenever you create a new record. It's all behind the scenes stuff that nobody even cares about. Except me.

See, the main problem is this: Apple's Address Book will not let me keep this ever-so-stealthy primary key in any way shape or form in an address book record. Not in the notes. Not as a separate entity. Nothing works, because I guess that's the way V-Card works. So, right now it's only possible to import records to Address Book from BlackBook, and not the other way around.

To answer your second question about the "Fatal Error:...", that's probably just a typo somewhere in the code. That is very fixable.

Now, your last question. I notice that you have our dear friend Jessica Randolph in your BlackBook. For those of you not in the know, Ben Burbank (another dear friend of ours) originally created her record in the BlackBook. Will was apparently browsing around Ben's public BlackBook, saw Jess, and decided he wanted her to show up in his BlackBook. It's easy enough to add (or 'subscribe to') someone else's contacts to your BlackBook, and I'm sure you are familiar with this.

Here's the deal, Will. Since Ben created Jess's record, Ben, and Ben alone, can edit her information. He "owns" her. Just like you "own" Dilshod, Lucas, and McCulley. The rest of us can only look at those records. If their information changes, then it's up to the "owner" (you) to keep their info up to date. This is done mainly to prevent widespread confusion across the site. If you logged in to BlackBook one day and found all your contacts had been changed to "Mike Hunt", you'd be pretty pissed right? (Not that I don't think any of us would do something like that, but if names and numbers started changing around all of a sudden you might not understand what was going on at first). So, I've kept ownership of records on one single person.

For this reason, I've started showing who 'owns' what record when you're browsing around in the BlackBook. It might not appear on every page where you can view a record, but I'm working on it. This way, you know who to get in touch with if you know someone's information is out of date.

Well, that's about all the time we have for now! Tune in next week when I read from my Grandmother's collection of erotic poetry!

Ciao!

i just.
.
keeled the ban.an.
ana.

the d.y is m.

ne.

.lol.

HE BUTT?

:: i do i do ::

BRING BACK KEENOOO WATCH OUT NOOO KEENO YOU LEFT MUFFIN ON TOP OF CAR WHEN BOMB ON mBUS NOWWWWWW.

I JUST HIT MYSELF IN THE INTERONADS.

SAVE BIG MONEYS AT INTERONARDS.

S SO MONDAY BUT IT'S TUESDAY.

:: spit ::

:: disgrace ::

WHERE's THE WOMENS.

Hurricane Frances is pretty much gone from julsland, I think. The mayor of julsland (Juls) released a statement about devastation and stuff. Here's a picture of the devastation to front porch county.

Apparently, Stetson man got hit even worse than us, and is going to be closed for up to a week from now. The mayor has to go to work tomorrow, I've already put all of the shoes in Heidi's house on my head, I can't get ahold of my sister, and I don't want to stay in the refugee camp. Can I stay in chicago?

What is the true meaning of Labor Day?

The heavy construction on Project BlackBook has ended uneventfully. All previous functions have been restored and a number of new features have been implemented. The upcoming birthdays list now includes contacts from your BlackBook, and the main BlackBook view no longer shows hyperlinked letters for people that aren't in your BlackBook.

My engineers have reported a strange bug that we have been unable to, so far, fix. When editing a contact in the popup window, the birthday may not appear to have changed, however it does in fact register in the database. I have not confirmed whether this is a programming glitch, or a browser error.

At this time, I would like to welcome two new BlackBook Beta testers. Jack, Will. Welcome aboard. You shall recieve e-mail instructions shortly.

OOOOOOOOODE!

*Alex, you're not allowed to have any shoes.

So, I don't really know what posessed me, but I started playing Powerdrome Racing the other day. I'd seen it out there for a while, and I'd checked out a couple screen caps from various websites, and I was fully expecting a total piece of crap.

Once I played it, I was totally let down. You see, it was not at all a total piece of crap, but the most fucking iced out diamond this enn's ever seen. The game is kind of like WipeOut, but set in exceedingly beautiful Starwars-esque series of worlds with a billion different characters and a billion different tracks to race on. The gameplay is kind of humdrum, since it is a racing game, and there's not a whole lot of unique things you can do in a racing game, but there are a ton of really neat little touches that make this game very unique, and so much fun for me to play.

Like the "fwip fwip fwip" that various objects make as you zip by them at 1,500+ mph. And the way your craaft begins to shudder when you start going these bowel-loosening speeds. And the pretty, pretty focal blur that kicks in when you take a particularly bad hit. And the swearing, oh god do I love the swearing. Every pilot has a blue streak that would make even the most seasond pirates cringe and cover their ears. Each race is a non-stop string of swear words that makes you wonder why your pilot is racing and not at a bar trying to pick a fight.

Oh, and one of the pilots is this monkey-robot thing who does nothing but screech when one of his arms falls off. Which happens a lot, apparently.

I'm not sure how many fans of the WipeOut racing genre there are here on POS, but this game tickles me juuuuuuust right in a way that I haven't been tickled in a long, long time.

Burnout 3 has dropped on the Chicago Apartment Industrial Complex, and it seems that The Dread Hurricane Frances has dropped on the Florida Wang Complex Prime.

Well, Burnout 3 for Xbox is the best racing game ever, definitely the best game on Xbox so far this year, but the PS2 version will be a little bit better. You see, they totally effed up the controls for Burnout on Xbox, so I find myself sucking total ass. It's puzzling, since Burnout 2 for more-like-lamecube has the same controls as Burnout 3 for PS2... I'd just assumed that they liked the way things were set up.

Instead, I keep hitting camera buttons when I want to break, or wobbling the right analog stick WHICH DOES NOTHING. There are no options to change it, either, all the more puzzling since Burnout 2 included these.

All that aside, I drove so hard into a gas truck earlier that it, and then my car, exploded while the camera swooped around the whole mess as cars started to pile up. Then, for no reason at all, I detonated my car as a bus ran into it, sending the bus hurtling nearly to the top of a 5 story building as it bent into a rounded 'L' shape. Amazing.

Ultimate form next!

I'm definitely going to turn this into a drag-and-drop dress up Alex game in Flash.

As promised, here are my shoes.

Here is a side view.

Here is a front view.

Here is a 3/4 view. Also note that I am not wearing sox. Please pretend that I am wearing sox.

Here are my two shoes making sweet shoe love on my bed. Those rascals! ^_^

Juls, you remember that thing we did at the beginning of the summer that was all sorts of hard work and stuff?

WELL I JUST GOT YOUR MAD MONEYS TODAY HOLY CRAP YES.

I'll mail you the check on Tuesday.

Ben, do you still have any type of hair on your head?
Alex, what do your shoes look like?
Jack, where do babies come from?
Everyone else, I need pictures!

We will have 1 more round after this, where the three final stickers will battle it out.

click this to see the list of finalists for Project Sticker.

Attention BlackBook Beta Testers:

I'm in the process of re-writing the back-end pretty majorly. So majorly, in fact, that a lot of the front end will appear broken. I would appreciate it if nobody but myself would log in until I give the go-ahead.

I apologize for the inconvenience, and appreciate your cooperation at this time.

Thank you,
   The Management

It comes tomorrow, folks. Keep your Decindin' Hats on.

My Special Edition copy just came in, art book and soundtrack included. I love it, as was expected, since I am a lvl 15 RPfaG.

They've addressed alot of the things that I didn't like in Disgaea (the music being the most notable, at least, once you get out of the initial cinema scene). They also made it different enough to stand on its own (unlike La Pucelle, which was largely the same game as Disgaea).

Anyway, if you're in the mood for a decent game that appeals to the ultimate dork sensibilities (the same ones that say that pen and paper RPGs are 'tons of fun'), then give it a shot. I also strongly recommend the guide, which is gorgeous, and highly informative reading. Or, you could play this:

I decided to make a sticker that celebrates the pos sticker contest.

On the way home from work yesterday, there were these fire-fighters collecting money in the middle of the road. At first I was pissed off cause they were holding up traffic, but then I said to myself, "You know, Alex, fire fighters are really brave people. I should probably donate a buck or two to help raise money for their fire station."

Then, as I got closer to where they were, I noticed this huge banner hung across a road sign that read, "FILL THE BOOT: FIRE FIGHTERS AGAINST MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS".

"Well, fuck that," I said to myself as I drove by the firefighters, "no freeloading retards are getting my hard-earned money."

True story.

Since there's like a fucktillion entries for this sticker contest, I figured I'd create one big-ol' post with all of them side by side. Let's keep the voting to Ben's original thread, kids.

Here they are, in chronological order (olderst to new).

Phew!

Good luck, folks.

So Jack went to Heidi's house because they all had to evacuate. The plan was for me to get Jack after work today, but we didn't realize that by me picking him up today Jack would have to be at Heidi's house (with her parents, and coincidentally her grandparents) for roughly 48 hours.

Heidi would only describe the situation as "interesting," at which point Jack was on the couch with a shoe in his head. I hope all is going well, and that Heidi and her family don't hate me after this.

On another note, am I the first person to post from the dead?

Everybody, we need to decide who won the contest. I won't divulge my favorites on the main page, but I'd like everybody to chime in on the comments section. Chances are, we won't agree on this one, and the comments will probably be flooded with imaginary people, but that's how voting works. Here, in pos.

Star Ocean 3 got better (a ton). Phantom Brave is still AFK (I have a torrent that goes live a 5pm Friday that I will use if my fully paid-for copy hasn't arrived yet) and I'm in a queue for Burnout 3 that ends in 48 hours.

This weekend will be bright, for there will be video games for some and butt beads for all, since the buttbead fairy is coming.

Oh yeah, Jack and Juls won't be able to vote in this contest, since they're dead. Please balance the votes accordingly.

So, the good news is that the contacts in your BlackBook can have images now.

The bad news is that, in the process of getting contact images to work, I nuked all the current member images.

So, there you have it. Now Ben has a chance to upload a real image of himself in stead of that fake one.

And I can find a better one of me.

Next on tap is Ben's supplemental birthday-list request, then I think we might be able to take this puppy out of b3t0rz. Unless I'm forgetting something. Which I probably am.

*It's not really on my phone.

So I was bored again at work today. In stead of making stickers, I added a new feature to blackbook. I call it, "Drive me, Bitch!"

Enjoy.

♥ Alex

Today some strange people stole my blood and made me pee in a cup. Then they gave me these pills that they said would help stop the inflammation.

Now I'm really hungry.

is to get it out of their head.

Star Ocean 3 is decent enough, 2 hours in. It's only real flaw is that the female lead reminds me of those sweet mdudes who wore those blawesome masks and dressed up like anime girls.

The combat is top notch, which is a pity, because they ruined a perfect game by putting in ALL THIS FUCKING TALKING GODDAMNIT. Seriously, these things on the screen talk so much.

At one point, I was running around, and I saw what appeared to be a fat 16th century princely lad, who turned out to be a monster. So I totally fought him and killed him. His dying words: "I haaaate youuuuuuuuuu."

Phantom Brave is still MIA outside of the East Coast. It seems Nippon Ichi screwed up the shipments to just about everybody else, and I might have to wait until Saturday. I picked up the strategy guide to try and calm myself down, and it kind of worked, except now I want the game much much more than I did before. Seriously, the combat system sounds so concrete and amazing. You can throw your freaking dead bodies off the side fo the map to make room to summon more demons and stuff. For this very reason I will constantly need a dude on 'corpse detail.'

In other news, Burnout 3 still isn't out.

Here is what I did tonight:

1. Fixed some bugs
2. Made it so you can add and remove a member's contacts to your personal blackbooks.
3. Made it so members can now upload their images (let's keep 'em 120x120 and clean, kids) (contacts are just a skip away, but I'll do that mañana)
4. Pet my doggies

Over and out.

[EDIT:

I'm not desperate to win this contest or anything, I'm just really fucking bored. And making these is keeping me rediculously entertained...like, why have I been laughing at "DONKEY!" for five minutes straight?]

such a slow, boring day...

Well, Hurricane Christ Almighty (http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2004/images/frances090104-1345z.jpg) is coming to Jacktown, so it's time to pack up the saturn and get my movemans on. Saddened though I am, because I was looking forward to wading through face-tearing winds and screaming, I do have some hope, because that hurricane seriously looks like its bigger than florida. So perhaps it's better to call it The Passion of the Hurricane Christ Almighty. My hope is that the hurricane will follow me wherever I go, so I can fight it in the ultimate battle. This ultimate battle, foretold in ancient texts as Project Hurricane, exists in fact and legend, making it one of the rarest, most powerful Projects of all.

http://gmail-is-too-creepy.com/

*wipes a tear from eye* Man, that was a lark. It's astonishing to me how people who are so retarded they barely know how to use a computer are able to set up a website.

It's this type of tinfoil hat conspiracy that makes America the best place on Earth.

Also: I have 5 more invites. Who wants one?