Velocity Equals Position Over Time

My Eulogy. To be read by James Earl Jones. It's kind of long.

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to remember the life of Alexander McClung, later known in life as Alexander the Conqueror.

Indeed, humanity has not seen a man as terrible as Alexander since the times of Hitler, Jesus, and that other Alexander. No other human in Earth's history has wrought so much destruction, slain so many innocents, or banged so many hot women.

It was in his twentieth year of life when his battle robots marched across the earth, belching fire and lead into the faces of those who stood in their path. The mightiest nations crumbled, the heroes fell alongside the weak, and streets ran with the blood of mankind's past. Our planet had changed forever. It had been plunged into a steely darkness, where the only lights came from the muzzle of a gun, or the glimmer of a lazer-sword cutting down an interloper.

From then on, Alexander became known as the Conqueror, and he reigned from within his flying crystal palace way up in the thermosphere. Many attempts were made to breach the palace, but all the jets and missiles sent to destroy it were blasted into oblivion by the thousands of chainguns mounted along the palace's defenses. From within, Alexander the Conqueror began to spin plans to turn the planet into a giant machine of war, and for five long years we toiled ourselves to death under his merciless authority.

The darkness was lifted the day Alexander died; December 2, 2004. Nobody knows why his plane crashed, or why he was flying on a plane that day, or why his nuclear fusion-powered deuterium exoskeleton failed to save his life. But the fates were against him that day, and he died, screaming, in a firey inferno, hurtling towards the ground at warp-speed.

One might question why a man, who was sent to the past to save the future, could be so cruel and destructive. It might be difficult for us to understand now, but one day we will realize that we have been made stronger for it. Humanity will punch through the veil of darkness that Alexander the Conqueror has thrown upon us, and we will succeed against the race of robot-people when they are sent to destroy us twenty-nine thousand years from now.

[wait for applause, cheering]

And so now we must bid farewell to Alexander the Conqueror, and shoot his ashes into outer space, where they will be annhilated by cosmic radiation, or vaporized as it plunges into the core of a distant star. We must pray Alexander's soul does not live on, for it can only wreak unimaginable terror in the afterlife, where we will all inevitably be inslaved when our time comes.

[James Earl Jones throws a switch which activates the countdown sequence for a rocket containing my ashes. The rocket lifts off, blasting through the roof of the church, smashing through the crystal palace (sending it crashing down through the atmosphere as a series of deadly fireballs) and off into space where it will ultimately collide with the core of a star, triggering a supernova reaction and forming a black hole.]

[wait for applause, cheering]

And so it was... that a homo sapien sapien of the female persuasion emerged unexpectedly within a sea of bonars, dildos, and the ever-present stench of heavy breathing on teats, violent games, and postmodern digital drawings.

I shall make my presence known. I shall be loved. I shall conquer.

---

My "Eulogy" submission... (Even if it's really an Obituary that we're dealing with here.)

It was not the crash that killed our beloved Melanie. She was already crushed by the heavy burden of her baggage: spine cracked, internal bleeding, heart pierced by floating cartilage and steel shards. Though when we opened her up, we found nothing but oats -- the blood, absorbed, like wind into a porus bed sheet.

She carried within her the grains of life-giving sustenance, and as the plane crashed down into the desert, the sand gnomes and tigers feasted; they will -- with any luck -- make it through the winter.

Thank Jesus for the bounty. Thank God for the rain. Vegans shall some day heal the wounds of an empty stomach. Maybe yours.

his name was mike wong
it wasn't "robert paulson"
and now he is dead

whee.

THIS DUDE WAS FILLED WITH THE HOLIEST OF CRAP. HIS TEET FEELERS WENT UNMATCHED IN BATTLE AND IN SPORT, AND HE WAS ABLE TO HOLD HIS OWN WITH THE LADYTEETS.

IT IS A SAD DAY THAT BEN DIED ON HIS WAY TO CUHLIFORNIA TEEHEE, AND ALL OF THE DILDO HATS HANG IN SHAME. NOTGAYPORN.COM HAS HELD A SALE IN HIS HONOR.

MAY HE REST IN PEACE AMIDST THIS URINE SOAKED PILE. HE WILL BE BURIED WITH HIS MONOCLE CLENCHED FIRMLY BETWEEN HIS BUTTOCKS, PER THE WISHES OF ONE CHRISTOPHER STILES, WHO CLAIMS TO KNOW WHAT BEN REALLY WANTED IN DEATH.

It's been a long, long time since the last pos contest, and I think we're ready to rock it again.

HERE ARE THE STIPULATIONS.

When you leave for California (cuhlifornia heehee), you need to post your Eulogy, in case you bite it en route. I'll do mine first so you have a sample.

I totally forgot this Friday is the wedding, and that I'm supposed to be out of here Thursday.

It's a good thing my boss remembered my schedule, otherwise I'd be totally effed. Although now I have to choose between Ben and Jess' wedding, or going to my Boss' retirement luncheon thing...

Hmm...

wanda and the colussus trailer (new footage).

Holy crap I friggin' hate windows. It's good to have pos back on good ol' linux.

BEN IS FIXING IT JEEZ.

So last night I was playing Metal Gear Solid 3 (as I am won't to do). It's really quite fun if you've enjoyed the other games in the series, and it's certainly less crazy-fied than the second one. Anyway, I was scrolling through my inventory and I saw an item that was called 'Bonar.' I thought to myself that my dreams had finally been answered, and, not knowing what would happen, I equipped it. Unfortunately, it turns out that it really said 'Sonar,' and I just couldn't read it all that well because I was playing on my tiny bedroom TV.

Oh well.

Today I got my haircut (again) and it wasn't by the weird lady that thinks I'm spiderman, which is a good thing since that lady makes me really uncomfortable. Anyway, this asian lady, she did a pretty good job. She wanted to put some gel in my hair, but I was like, "No, thank you. I don't like gel," and she was like, "Ok," and that was the end of that discussion.

So what are all the POSfolks up in chicago doing for turkeyfuckday if they aren't forced to spend it with their families?

the wrinkled masses
find their way into my sleep
beat them with a goat

p.s. "collison course" is like the OMFGCHARZARROFLMAO best album of teh year!!1

p.p.s. happy thanksgiving!

p.p.u.p.s. bravy.

THE HEARTS OF MAN FOR THEY SPILL RED WITH LUST FOR THE CRIMSON PLACOCRACY. I BURGLED OF THEM 12 HEARTS AND DID MAKE STEW UNPON THE FIRST LIGHT, BUT THE SNOW-RAIN DID SIMMER UNPON THE WINDOW IN A FASION NOT UNLIKE THAT OF THE EYES OF AN UNFEELING ROBOTS.

hey,
i was chatting with john the other day, and we decided that pos is missing something. sure, theres plenty of funny pics constantly being posted about people, or cartoons, and what have you, but john can bring something to the table that might add that little bit of zip to pos, that we have all been secretly missing. that zaz i'm talking about is pictures of guns. lots of them too. he spends all day online looking at pictures of guns anyways, why not share the wealth? also he can find cool pictures of stuff blowing up. who's down with john getting admin privs?

I just leveled up in Yourself!Fitness!!! The fake workout lady was so impressed with my commitment (every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday for the past two weeks) that she awarded me Bronze status and let me work out in the desert to some new dance music.

I'm also feeling pretty ripped. But only in comparrison to, say, a 6th grader.

The following IM converstation is real.

*snip*
Danny: And you can land safely in snow banks!
Danny: Or on the poofy jackets of children!
Alex: Or on their totally hot moms!
Danny: . . .
Alex: There are tons of MILFs in the Kentlands^*
Danny: . . .
Alex: I'm serious
Danny: . . .
Alex: The community is like one giant MILF-shake!
Danny: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Alex: Mmmmmmmm!

^* - The Kentlands is the name of the neighborhood I live in and, seriuosly, tons of MILFs live there.

I just had a very surreal moment.

I had an exceptionally realistic vision in my head of a midget rodeo, complete with midget bull-riders, midget rodeo clowns, and little midget bulls. There was even a midget matador waving his cape around at the bull.

I thought of that and said to myself, "They must be so happy, with all their little friends and family having a grand little time together. It must be nice, the midget rodeo."

FROM THE DARWINIAN SMUGGLED SCHMEGMOCRACY FOR IT WILL SPELL DOOM FOR US ALL AT THE HANDS OF AN UNFEELING ROBOTS. THE BURGLED AUTOCRACY WILL NOW READ FROM LETTERS OF SAMSON: THE HAIR IS FOR THE MAN-APE THAT WHICH GOD SHALL TELL YOU UNPON AN HOLY ROBOTS. THE APPLICATION WILL BE BUILT WHETHER YOU AND YOUR INSIDERS FEEL THE UNREMARKABLE JOY OF PASSION FROM THE FORMER WHILE SOME FEEL THE PASSION FROM THE LATTER DAY.

The Japanese, as usual, are up to something mysterious, but awesome.

I still like to fight ad drink honey
so don't you go out ot the mall ho hooooo hoo hohooooo hooooooo
I like to fight drink money
don't you think now's the prince money
to drink the gun and fun and sun hoooo hooooooo hooo hohoooo hooooooooo

Pokemans.

I always enjoy it when ben posts, for whatever reason, an assortment of charts and graphs that show who's been looking at and posting to POS from where, as well as whatever ridiculous new number the post/comment count is up to from last month. Could we have another one of those updates, ben? Also, what happened with the sticker contest?

It looks like Will was right, at least about one thing. While my $20 Target pants weren't exactly body armor woven from nanosoldiers, it appears that such a technology is finally being tested out.

I think this is just happening to prove, once again, that 2004 is the year of the Crazy Things That Shouldn't Have Happened.

Target has this for sale. So does Amazon.com. Some of the customer reviews are priceless, like this one:

"Well, when Grandpa has been living with us for a year now, and he claims the doctor recommended this. Yeah, fun for him, but afterwards, I just sit in the shower and cry."

And, in case it goes away from Target, here's a PDF of the page as it originally appeared.

In preparation for The Weddening have we overlooked the one truly important thing in our lives?

What's going to happen to POS? I think all the authors will be there, so unless we have a connection to Internet in our hotel rooms we're gonna need to find a babysitter to write stuff here. I suggest giving a hobo the unique opportunity to write his or her innermost thoughts and desires on Internet.

Yea or nea?

In a remarkably Bugs-Bunny-esque moment, 5 Elmer Fudd cosplayers shot each other, arguing over which season it was.

full story >>

Gamespot actually used the word "gussy."

"Nintendo has now repackaged and gussied up SMB3 for its GBA release as Super Mario Advance 4, updating the graphics and throwing in a few bonuses."

Just beat Half-Life 2. Absolutely amazing. I sat in my chair and clapped, though nobody else was around. The ending does indeed come a bit suddenly, but I'm fine with that. The game felt like it was the perfect length for me, and there's enough questions left outstanding that I can't wait for a sequel or expansion pack.

Overall: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥+

It was the best game I have ever played, in many, many ways.

Yesterday I killed a dude in HL2 with a tire and I said out loud, "You're looking a bit tired!" But the only person around to hear my ingenius quip was my cat, and she never thinks my jokes are funny.

EDIT: What happened to Erik's drunken post? That was pretty much the funniest thing ever.

when they go to Taco Bell, who's the president?

The first Half-Life 2 mod (that I am aware of) has been released. It appears to be a Gundamn battle game.

NINJA UPDATE: Actually, it appears to be a HL1 mod. Move along. Unit down.

for the past couple days and I haven't even met him yet because I've been playing Half-Life 2 and working on stuff for Madden.

So last night I went bowling with Nicole (my new best girlbuddy). She totally beat me. Maybe it was because she's more practiced, maybe it was her neon shoelaces. Maybe it was because I bowled most of the night using my left hand, in between stories of my ultimate bowling training in tibet and russia. All I can say for sure is, I don't have half-life 2.

This is what Ben drew when he visited Hurricane Land. This was after we went to Game Stop and pissed the guy off because I kept asking if they had the new "PS-TWUH," instead of saying P-S-TWO. He got mad, but the other guy understood me. They didn't have it. I found one at Wal-mart, but it didn't play Katamari so I returned it.

But I just play Katamari at work.

Clearly, Half-Life 2 has taken a stranglehold on all the POS authors, except for myself, and maybe a few others. I'm not sure if I can hold out much longer, though. My job is the only thing that's keeping me tied to the "real world."

Most of my waking moments at work are spent in a miasma, my mind filled with images of head crabs and Combine soldiers. Sometimes I can see them in the shadows in my office-mates' darkened offices. Or, every so often, I can hear the blips of the soldiers' radios as they keep themselves informed of my movements. I must be in a moment of clarity, now, since I'm writing this . . . but it's only a matter of time before I disappear completely . . . just like the rest . . .

Communication between the regular POS authors is nonexistant, and I pray that Jack, Mike, Juls, and Chris are all OK. I've been met with nothing but silence on all fronts.

I know Ben is lost, possibly forever. Jess . . . I'm sorry, I really am. I know you were looking forward to the wedding, but nobody could have possibly foreseen the destructive capability of this game. The only thing I can do for you now is to offer my deepest condolances, and keep you in my prayers . . . keep everyone in my prayers.

I don't know what the future holds, but right now it's looking pretty grim. I'll try to be strong, for POS', and your sake, too . . . whoever you are . . . but it's only a matter of time now before the lights go out completely and we are all consumed.

If there's anybody in the outside world who's still unphased . . . please, send help. Surely, this will be the end of us.

Out.

But it's still neat if you're like me and stuck at work and can't play HL2

I had this dream a couple nights ago where I was Darth Vader. I went around choking people with my bare hands, and believe me it was awesome. At one point I think I got ahold of Geore Bush and some higher-ranking officer from the Death Star. I choked those bitches so hard and so long that their necks turned to a mushy substance that was incapable of supporting the weight of their heads, so they just kind of flopped around like rag dolls. Also, their heads were gradually swelling up bigger and bigger.

I think I woke up after a couple minutes because it was just too sweet.

There are too many Dicks in my Beerz.

Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,
-James R. Dickbeerz

tonight's southpark ended with close up shots of dogs while the benny hill theme played...

how about that.

I caved and ordered HL2 last night from steam. The game is super. However, I am having a problem that is not super.

I've got through part of the game, and when it goes to load the next section it just dumps me back to the main menu, but with a black screen. I assume I'm missing some content, but I'm ass-fucked if I can figure out how I can get it to finish downloading. The steam window says it's 100% done, but seeing as how I've only got 850MB worth of content I don't believe it.

Here's a screen grab to illustrate what I mean:

So one could say I've only got about half half-life! AHAHAHAHAHA!!

Seriously, though. Somebody help me. The section where it crashes is in the Root Kanal level after you have th flood the room and fight like 20 man-cutter things, then you swim through a big tube and have to shoot out some wooden boards to let a bunch of crap float to the top so you can get out. There's a tunnel leading out of that room, and when I go through it the game loads the next section and crashes.

#ifndef GFX_H_INCLUDED
#define GFX_H_INCLUDED

//#include "bulius2bg.raw.c" // gfx2gba -D -fsrc -pbulius2bg.pal -t1 bulius2bg.bmp
//#include "bulius2bg.pal.c"

#include "master.pal.c" // gfx2gba -t8 -m -pmaster.pal -fsrc *.bmp
#include "bulius1.raw.c"
#include "bulius1.map.c"
#include "bulius2.raw.c"
#include "bulius2.map.c"

#include "spikeywalk.raw.c" // gfx2gba -D -fsrc -pmaster.pal -t8 *.bmp
#include "bluecrate.raw.c"
#include "redcrate.raw.c"

#endif // GFX_H_INCLUDED

Here's how fucking crazy and stupid people are.

This morning, I pull into my office building to see three, three entire fire departments' worth of fire trucks and personnel. Three ambulances, two ladder trucks, and like 4 other smaller fire engines, plus 2 news hellicopters circling the building. One of the ladder trucks as its ladder fully erect and pointed towards the roof of the building.

"Sweet," I thought, "something bad happened and I won't have to work today." Maybe somebody jumped off the roof, or the ATF unit that's located in the top floor of the building set something dangerous on fire and the whole building is closed down.

Fucking no. It was a false alarm, but everybody shit their pants when somebody claimed they saw "smoke" coming from the roof of the building. It was actually steam from one of the vents.

I goddamn hate my office.

Today on my way home from work I saw a fire truck on fire.

I picked up a saw blade with the gravity gun, and then I threw it at a zombie and it cut him in half. Then I picked up a cinder block and beat another zombie to death. Then I picked up a dresser and killed a head crab.

Half-Life 2's Review Score Approaches 10,000!

"No Way That Can't Be Haha."

I stayed up playing Yourself!Fitness all last night, and now I hurt pretty much everywhere, including places I didn't think I knew existed. My butt, for example. Holy crap, what is this strange thing I have attached to me? I didn't realize there was stuff there before, but now it's like "hurrrrrrrt."

Actually, now it's only like "hurrrrt alittlebit," but before it was like, "burrrrrnnnnn awholehellofalottttt!!!" Still, butt pain is new to me (except for that one time in prison, but . . . you know what, never mind), and I daresay it's somewhat exciting. I wonder what other parts of my body I will discover, and then cause pain to.

Speaking of butts, holy hell is Maya the Virtual Trainer packing junk in the trunk. Also, she's got legs big enough that I swear she could use to strangle a horse all Femme Nikita style. I'd pay a dollar to see that.

This 'game' would be 10,000 times better, though, if you could change how your personal trainer looks, but whatever. Some people might not take it seriously enough if you had some freakishly distorted icon of a human being telling you to squeeze your glutes on those lunges.

What's most amusing to me is that there are levels and music tracks that you have to 'unlock' through working out, which is awesome. And by 'levels' I mean 'places where you can work out.' Right now, for example, only the Dojo and Urban Penthouse are 'playable,' and I'm stuck with latin, hip-hop, and eighties soundtracks.

There's also this neat system that keeps track of your progress. Every so often you'll do an evaluation and the program will graph how you've improved in different areas (lower body, core body, upper body, cardio, flexibility, and weight). Even though I've only tried it for one night, the system makes me feel like I'm leveling up in real life, which is cool beyond words. I can't fucking wait until I learn firaga, or demi. My favorite part, though, is that I can do girl push-ups while Maya is none the wiser.

I am most impressed, though, by the freaking incredible variety of moves you can/have to do. I looked at Maya go through a Yoga session for about five minutes, and she had to have gone through at least 10 different positions (unfotunately, none of which were remotely sexual). I believe the official count is somewhere in the 200's, which is way higher than I can count to.

In conclusion: Y!F = HL2 killer.

WHO will FEED

my

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catcatcatcatcat
catcatcatcatcatcatcat
catcatcatorange

fooouuuuuuuu

hhhhuuuuuuuuuuu--uuuuuuuuuuuuu

hooooooooo oooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh

dddddddd

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooouuuuuuuuu
bbbeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

0xpel
0xlet
0xs??

?stellep ekil stac od yhw

fucking gay

life 2 is here, and it is without question the only game where I can play for a significant length of time and not want to stop.

I cannot stress this enough. If you have the means, you need to go get steam and get at the very least the silver package. It comes with an enhanced version of Half-Life 1.

I am without words.

it's like 1 am here or some crap and I'm trying to stay up as late as I possibly can first I was doing some code samples for Madden who wrote me up and asked for some actionscript examples but then I started going crazy and I think my comments was crazy but then I went crazy because Half-Life 2 won't come out yet but I'm still waiting for it and Jess is asleep and I think I want to be but I mean it's Half-Life 2 darnit and I can't wait one more second than when it's released and I think Eric is haunted and the internet is haunted with boobs if you search google image search for stuff you will almost always see boobs and Will is cheating the fuck out of poker and eric is mad and he admits it and the man in black was on the radio and now it's some whiny bitch.

Reminds me of old times.

I got a call back from the Marriott lady just now and not only did she get us in with the wedding group, but we've also got the regular group rate and complimentary strippers for all three nights. So fuckin' a to that, brah.

EDIT: It looks like they can't get the strippers after all. Oh well.

HELPMEPOS

I think the safety movie should be shown at FMAN tonight (Juls said it was okay; or maybe he didn't). WHERE DO I GETS IT

I went with my older brother to my Grandparents' house this weekend to see how my Grandma (whom I call 'Mam') was doing. I swear, that fall must have unlocked her repressed ornery section of her brain.

She was telling us about the time when I was pigeon-toed as a baby and I had to wear these corrective shoes. (Pigeon-toe is where your feet are turned inwards so that the big toes are pointing at one another, and the shoes you wear have a metal rod connecting them to keep your feet straight.) Anyway, she remembered the story because of how funny/adorable/pathetic I must have looked when I was trying to learn to walk in them. She said, and I quote, "Alex, you were so funny with those shoes trying to walk. You looked retarded."

Yes. Mam said "retarded" and we all laughed. Then she called me retarded a couple more times that day, just to drive the point home.

Ahh, good times.

While idly meandering through the DVD section of the Super Wal*Mart last night, I stumbled across this selection: "George W. Bush - Faith in the White House An Alternative Program to Fahrenheit 9|11."

As you might imagine I was impressed and amazed enough to where I just had to read what sort of magnificent description could be found on the back, and this is where I discovered something that had me laughing a bit too hard: "Says BBC correspondent Justin Webb, 'Nobody spends more time on his knees than George W. Bush. The Bush administration hums to the sound of prayer...'"

Purposeful double entendre? Me thinks...

Well played, BBC... Well played.

Big Baby Jesus has left the building.

*courtesy of BBC

Hey POS there's a dead cat by the road outside the senior leb and we moved it out of the road but now its by the side of the road and we don't know what to do help us POS

I found out my grandma got hurt pretty bad a coulpe days ago, so I called her to see how she was doing. I played it all sarcastic at first when I said, "What's this I hear about you getting in a fight and needing 18 stitches in your head?" I was expecting her to come back with something like, "Oh Alex, you jokester, you" and we'd have a good laugh. But no, she had to one up me hard: "Yeah, I thought Pa [my grandpa] said 'stand up' when he really meant 'shut up'" and let me tell you hearing that from a 79 year-old woman was just about the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

Well played, grandma. Well played.

Is anybody else having trouble with nabbing stuff from Suprnova or is it just me? I keep getting 404'd, though I was having no problems from my office.

Some poeple know that I like japanese culture. Here's a retarded tidbit that I just learned:

Japanese companies are very good at coming up with special events to promote their products. The meat industry pushes February 9th as "meat day" because 2 and 9 ("ni" and "ku" in Japanese) make up the word for meat in Japanese ("niku"). Japan's optometrists designate October 10 as "Eye Day" (Me no Hi) because "10 10" looks like two eyes with eyebrows if you look sideways. And the Glico Confectionery Company has proclaimed that November 11 is "Pocky Day" because the "11/11" looks like little Pocky sticks.

Stop it, Japan. Please. This is just getting stupid. Unless you have something like "B======D" day or "(o)(o)" day.

You can DEPEND on seller, but URINE for a surprise.

So did we ever work out whether or not Jack, Chris, Myself, and Eric (?) are going to pool for a single hotel in L.A., and if so, have we reserved a room? If not, I'll probably call 2nite and get on that slut. I just wanna know so we don't wind up with 2 rooms and have to pay extra $$$$$$$$$$.

It's here

Oh, and just so you know, most of your components from the beta version won't work yet. Specifically, the All-In-One Gestures, which sucks super hard.

EDIT: Wait, I take that back. The guy who designed the web page where you download the All-In-One Gestures package is a retard and put the most recent version waaay down at the bottom. At any rate, you'll need to re-download the package again after you update FireCocks.

Half-life 2 is being ported to an arcade machine.

http://www.popmech.com/science/extreme_machines/

Here's just some of the awesome articles on that site

-The Gustav Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach Gun Was The Biggest Ever Built

-The GE90-115B Is The Biggest Jet Engine Ever Built

-The Antonov An-225 Is The World's Biggest Plane

-Lasers And The Diamond Film Diamaze Blade Are The World's Smallest Knives

-Nanotubes Make The World's Smallest Motor

-The Soft Gamma Repeater 1806-20 Is The World's Most Powerful Magnet

-Saturn V Is The Biggest Engine Ever Built

-The 'Trieste' Is The World's Deepest Diving Sub

-Sandia National Laboratories' World's Smallest Robot

-The 846th Test Squadron's Fastest Rocket Sled On Earth

-Nanolasers Are The World's Smallest Lasers

-Taiwan's Taipei 101 Tower Has The World's Fastest Elevators

http://worldofwarcraft.com/

*Interestingly enough, you dl a downloader program that appears to work like a torrent file.

I found some video of Nintendo's Pubby Simulator and now I want it more than ever.

Ever.

OMG CHECK THIS STORY OUT, OK OMG ITS TOTALLY TRUE OK R U CHECKING YES OK GOOD OK CHECK THIS OUT

I WAS WALKING MY DOGS TO NIGHT K AND LIEK, THEY DID THEIR "BUSSINESS" (LOL, OMG, OK I REALLY MEAN THEY DID THEIR 'PEWPZ' LOLOMG) AND STUFF RITE OK THEN WEN I WAS WALKIGN THEM I SAW GET THIS AN UNOPENED PACK OF SKITTLES OMGWTFLOLLERSKATESLOLLERCOPTER RIGHT CUZ SKITTLES R MY FAVORITE RIGHT LIEK I REMEMBER ONE TIEM IN COLLAGE RITE I STAYED UP ALL NITE PLAYING NOX ADN EATING AN ENTIRE ONE POUND BAG OF SKITTLES THEYRE THAT GOOD TO ME SO I WAS LIKE 'WTF FUX YEA SKITTLEZ' WEN I FOUND IT WITH MY DOGS WALKING TONITE

SO OK GOOD RITE SKITTLEZ RULEZ 4 EVA

I want a Dwarf and a Tauren character so bad. This will persuade you.

I assume that our base has seen the Incredibles by now. Team Chicago went last night. I was misty-eyed the entire movie, because of what it means for superheroes in today's world. Basically, the X-Men, Spiderman, and now this movie have shown that superhero flicks are back in full force, and can be totally excellent when the director keeps his eye on credible characters. Daredevil was a shitty movie, which is a shame, because it could have been amazing. Brad Bird handled these characters with a delicacy that seems to be beyond the grasp of normal kid's cartoons these days. Double clap, good sir.

Regardless, today I will be playing a lot of City of Heroes and going to the comic store.

great party.
great party.

update:
great party.

I had the following conversation with one of my few friends that exists outside of POSspace. Scientific analysis indicates that it is funny.

Alex: I'm going to marry a bunch of guys to protest the current administration's ban on gay marriage, you in?
Danny: I'm protesting the current administration's ban on abortions by having a bunch of abortions!
Alex: In that case...
Alex: Bring on the dudes and abortions!
Alex: I think Kerry would have won if that were his campaign motto
Danny: I came up with a Bush campaign slogan yesterday . . .
Danny: "No gay gets behind"

Great discussion down there, guys. Seriously, it's good to hear that all people aren't crazy yet.

In related news, however, CBS news is reporting that ~22% of the vote was DECIDED because of 'gay marriage.' This was an issue that has gone largely untouched since last July. The conservative Christians showed up in record numbers, not having heard a single thing about the issues since last summer, and voted all the way for the right. Their presence as a people were largely ignored in the 2000 election, which is why this campaign basically handed Mr. Bush the White House, and the Senate, and the Congress. Democrats and new voters showed up in record numbers as well, it's just that there combined strength was no match for Evangilicals.

I have nothing against Christianity as a religion, but I know (and I hope you guys agree) that certain denominations have a tendency for doing and saying whatever their preacher tells them. Convincing the preachers was the smartest thing that Rove had planned, and it's just scary that the election would have gone something like Bush-40 vs. Kerry-60 had this not been an issue.

Whatever, it's over now. Since we have NO IDEA what this Administration plans to do with America, what with them never having to lay things out the way Kerry had to (see his website or see the book that he and John Edwards wrote). I hope they use their power for good, it's just that I've been given no reason to believe that they will.

Does anybody remember Casshern (Transformers + Power Rangers + 3000 years in the future + other crazy japanese shit)? Does anybody want a torrent for a DVD rip of it? Cause I can send it to you if you want a DVD rip of it.

Oh, also, it's in a really weird format and I have no idea how to burn it.

I was just going through the channels here to try and see the concession speech (expected now to air at 3pm EST), and I came across Sesame Street on PBS. I came in when Dr. Ruth was talking to a giant set of letters that spelled out SAD.

I just realized that Sesame Street might be destroyed in the next 4 years.

I stopped at a liquor store for some soda last night, and a man assured me to not give up hope. In a country where the Daily Show only reaches ~2% of TV viewers, I'm afraid that I have done just that. I will be celebrating this morning by playing some GTA:San Andreas before work, followed by some Burnout 3. I want as many imaginary people dead as possible. Illinois went to Kerry by an unbelievable margin (not unexpected), so I'm surrounded by people that I don't need to yell at. However, were I in Florida...

Anyway. Here is THE PLAN.

The Republicans and the media are insisting on a concession, so it looks like our BEST BUDDY will be fuc- I mean hugging our country's out-hole for another 4 years, at the very least. With the house and the Senate lost, along with the Supreme Court and the White House at stake, it looks like idiot religious fanatics will get exactly what they want: a divided America who is hated by the rest of the world ("for our freedom"), all sorts of fuc- hugged up supreme court decisions (it's time to amend the hug out of the Constitution before '08), and, well, a whole lot more dead Americans (we'll be hearing about a lot of these next week!).

This country ISN'T free to do what it wants, it is told what it wants. I will be going to D.C. this January 19th, in time for the Inauguration on the 20th. I will witness it, and I'll have some sort of witty sign. If you want to come, great, if you don't, it doesn't matter. I'll be there, with a lot of other people, to witness what I see as the biggest tragedy of our lifetime (to date). Not because I feel cheated this time (although the Republicans insisting on an end to counting smells eerily of their Block the Vote efforts of 2000), but because the American people, who DID NOT ELECT Mr. Bush in 2000, decided to RE-ELECT HIM LEGITIMATELY.

I just got my birthday present from Alex, and Ill post more info later. Just know this: Alex wins.

His present is sitting at my office, waiting for me to stop being lazy and just mail it. Well, my laziness has been broken by this, the greatest of gestures.

SOMEBODY IS TOASTING SOMETHING IN MY OFFICE IT SMELLS LIKE BURNING TOAST

THAT IS ALL

This voting thing has made me mad with power. I feel like I could do anything and not have to face the consequences. Like right now I feel like I could walk up to some woman and ask for a BJ, and she'd do it. Or maybe even get a dude to give me a BJ, just to exercise my power. Or, like, I could walk into a gun store and buy a bunch of guns, and then go home and use one of the guns to shoot the other guns. Or maybe even get away with murder. The world is my oyster, and all I want to do is trade it in for a fat piece of steak because I hate seafood. I feel like I could run a mile in another man's shoes because I would have stolen some guy's shoes. And I wouldn't be running from the police, either, since there'd be no witnesses. I'd just be running to enjoy the freedom.

So, kids, if you want to get high without doing drugs, go vote.

Then go do drugs, because I was really just lying about all that drunk on power stuff. Drugs are awesome.

I voted!
¡Yo Voté!

It's true.

Friggin Pop Tarts adds are crazy.

If you're going to watch anything on TV tomorrow night, make damn sure you tune into this.