Velocity Equals Position Over Time

BUT SOMEHOW I KNOW THAT ALEX HAS PSTED IN THE FUTAR.

SOMEBODY HELP MY HEAD IT HAS HOLES.

* Find out if moveable type supports HTML
* Make a template for the wedding site
* Make a template for this site
* Encourage my CS321 class to use their weblog
* Write a decent sprite handler for the GBA
* Write a decent 3D engine
* Make lots of hug
* Don't buy a giant Optimus Prime 20th Anniversary mega-toy
* Don't buy any other toys
* Make a bunch of 3D models and animate them
* Make a bunch of sprites and animate them
* Make a bunch of animations
* Graduate College
* Get a job
* Live forever
* Ponder my eternal existence
* Explode

I mixed together a bunch of chemicals that I found under the sink and drank it and now I can predict the future. Here's what will happen in 2005.

1. Anal birth.
2. Someone in Ben or Chris' apartment will die.
3. EA will buy every major video game production company and a tidal wave of shitty games will follow.
4. I'll find my fucking gas cap to my car.
5. The U.S. Army will develop fighter robots that will ultimately lay waste to the eastern continent.
6. Flowers will be happy.
7. Batman will come out of hiding and announce that he plans to run for congress.
8. My friend here will fucking shut up about his new goddamn puppy because nobody fucking cares about it anymore
9. ASIMO will learn to love.
10. I will finish this list.

Everyone's favorite PolySci major in 10 years.

So things have been pretty dead on pos lately. Most of the regulars are still off of work, rocking out, doing other stuff, and junk. Things should resume, as normal, on Monday / Tuesday.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of time, but I'm proposing a new pos contest. Jess and I are working on the special features section for our wedding DVD, and we need your help. We have about 20 minutes of blank space on the DVD, and we'd love to fill it with 1-2 minute segments of entertainment. Anything you guys want to make should be fine by us. To be considered for the space, we'll need a quicktime video put up here, on pos, to sample entries. As an example, Jack's "Mortal Kwedding" video will be on the DVD. It was a little over a minute long.

If you need photos or any specific video clips, feel free to ask, we have just about all the media in the world you would want. However, I personally would prefer that you use original / different content, a la Jack's "Superman's Revenge" videos. Our tentative deadline is some time next week, since we need to fuck these things burnt and sent off.

Maybe you have, maybe you haven't.

Here's something full of Whimsy and Delight. Two of my favorite things.

booger

Do you like "Transformers"?
Do you like "Break-dancing"?

You might like this, but I don't understand it.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Åú·¢¸ßµµÖÊÁ¿¡¢ÃÀ¹Û´ó·½µÄºØÄ꿨¡¢Ê¥µ®¿¨¡¢Çë¼í¡¢Ì¨Àú¡¢¹ÒÀúÇëÄú¾¡ÇéÑ¡¹º¡£

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ÇëµÇ½ÒÔÏÂÍøÖ·£ºhttp://jmhnk.vicp.net

Months ago, when I first spoke of the DS, I mentioned a game that was apparently a dating sim, although it looked more like a 'throw scorpions on your girlfriend' sim.

Well, I own it now.

The first thing you have to do in this game is force a man to vomit by rubbing his stomach upward, for he has accidentally swallowed some gold fish.

Later on, people are being swallowed by giant ant-lions, and you must save them. At one point, you have to scrub the woman clean after she was nearly trampelled by 100 bulls (and about 40 guys on skis).

The Nintendo DS is the craziest toy to ever exist (outside of fucked up Teslatoys). I seriously had to yell at a video game. And then I had to blow on it. WTF.

By the way, most of the pos'ers are still out of town, and the internet here in Chicago has been shoddy at best, so traffic is very low right now. "Bare" in mind that things will speed up after the holidays!

It's true! Here's one of them.

Subject: EOSPSO Site Feedback: Questions
Date: December 23, 2004 8:29:39 PM EST
Reply-To: "Granville E.Lovell"

Name: Granville E. Lovell ()
E-Mail: News@marspictures.org
Category: Questions
URL:

Go0vGeo@yahMANY SUCH LETTERS HAVE BEEN SENT ALL OVER THE USA and none will respond, It takes so little effort to look into my claims that will be the biggest news you could ever have heard, At least tell me how to get someone to look into this or a place that I can take images or art of the past that I'm sure are priceless. If I onl;y had a place to display my discovery to Archaeologist, Scientist, and the world.
Hello,
My name is Granville E. Lovell and I need your help please.
I have been doing research in most all the same things that the field museum would also be involved in and in all my years I have came up with quite a few discoveries that I have yet been able to reveal to the world.
I have some of the biggest news the world could hear to date, much bigger than finding a large group of dinosaur's, or near as big a deal as the Pyramids or bigger.
My family and I have worked in land clearing and construction most all our lives which has given me many digs to do my research, sure they are not of the caliber of those that you would be involved in EXCEPT! I have discovered some really big things that will apply to all digs.
I can prove that any dig there is I can show you many things that everyone overlooks.
I have found that this system of things we call earth and all that exist in and around it has a way of recording images and events and objects much like a photograph and I have discovered how to view these things of the earths history.
Please do not discard this as nonsense, You will not have to put yourself out for more than a half hour at most for me to prove just a few of my discoveries that will rock the world.
I have many years under my belt of doing research on my own and I am only asking you to look into my discoveries and they will sell themselves enough to get published and filmed around the world.
I can take you to any spot on earth and show you history complete with pictures that will go all the way back to the beginning of the earth. I can prove this without a shadow of doubt.
I beg you to answer this and tell me what I must do to get you or someone to look into my claims, this is a must for all the world.
I will let you display some of my finds that will draw people from around the world once they hear of this.
I also have something that I purchased that may have came from the pyramids in Egypt that I would like someone to look at it and help me read the hieroglyphics on it.
Please help me get someone to look into these discoveries I have in person because that is the only way to learn that which has taken me years to learn.
I will do all I can to make it easy for you or even a student or reporter? to look into my claims. A trip out to where I live would be the best because I can show you many things or I will come there with more proof than you would ever need.
I will treat you to lunch or dinner at either place.
Within ten min. of showing you what I have you will not want to leave except to tell the world.
I am a 57 yr. young and have quite a lot of research background, I am employed full time at Six Flags Great America for the past 27 years and responsible for peoples lives as a mechanic, welder, heavy equipment operator, as well as have my own business that involves land clearing, and many years prior to my current job, I say all this so that you can see that I have to be a responsible person with a sound mind to be able to keep this job.
Contact me please and let me know How I can show you news that will rock the world.
sending you pictures will not show you enough to convince you, I need to show you how I get the pictures and show you the proof.
I am ready to retire any day now and go on the road full time to keep doing my research.
I just purchased a 37 ' Motor Home to travel the USA and document my discoveries.
I need your help or even the help of some students if you want to send them here as long as they will be able to understand the value of what they see.
Thanks
I really need your help, You will be very glad if you look into this
Granville E. Lovell
P.O. Box 397
Zion IL, 60099
GovGeo@yahoo.com
GeoBible@msn.com

If I may have e mailed you before and you do not want another I will not feel hurt if you use your block button because I have no way of knowing if I have emailed you before.
thanks and I hope one of you are smart enough to look into my claims.oo.com -

Holy shit, Nintendo wins. I was playing this slingshot game a bunch, but then Jess stole the DS from me and then Mel stole the DS from her.

I had two delays today. It was so fun. And then I got to Philly, and they boarded us after a delay, and then we sat on the plane for three hours while they made sure our luggage was on (they were adament about pointing out that they were waiting to get all the right luggage).

They I got to Ft. Myers three hours late and my luggage wasn't there.

Thanks US Airways!

haha its christmas here already but not in chicago haha

Ben is totally gay for not IMing me back.

AlexMcAwesome (9:16:41 PM): CHRIXMAXXXXXXXXXX

iGetShotInFace is idle at 9:19:30 PM.

AlexMcAwesome (9:22:23 PM): HOW WILL SANTA FIT DOWN
YOUR FAKE FIREPLACE?!

AlexMcAwesome (9:27:03 PM): SANTA: HO HO HO! I'll
fucking chop through the wall if I have to! I need to fuck
Chris up his present hole and I'll stop at nothing to achieve
my goals! HO HO HO!

iGetShotInFace is no longer idle at 9:58:42 PM.

iGetShotInFace is idle at 10:08:42 PM.

iGetShotInFace is no longer idle at 10:46:26 PM.

iGetShotInFace is idle at 10:56:27 PM.

iGetShotInFace is no longer idle at 11:14:56 PM.

iGetShotInFace is away at 11:36:41 PM.

iGetShotInFace returned at 11:36:44 PM.

iGetShotInFace is away at 11:36:50 PM.

iGetShotInFace returned at 11:36:52 PM.

iGetShotInFace is away at 11:36:58 PM.

iGetShotInFace returned at 11:37:32 PM.

iGetShotInFace is away at 11:38:11 PM.

LAST NITE I PLAYD DUNGENS ADN DAGRONS WITH MY FRNEDS ADN WE ALL MADE CHARS 4 EACHOTHR ADN DREW THEM RADNOMYL ADN I GOT 2 PLY TH HALF-ORC BUTLER NAMD 'JABREVES' ADN WERE LOOKIN 4 A WEREWOLF IN TOWN TAHT KILT SOME LADY ADN ITS A SUPR SCARY GAME WE PLAYD IT 4 LIKE 4 HRS

The Nintendo Revolution was rumored to not have a D-Pad or any face buttons. The internet, developed this prototype.

I want to make a POS guild because I don't do anything but play Warcraft.

What can POS stand for?

AlexMcAwesome: SET PHASERS TO SUGAR
AND CREAM

AlexMcAwesome: DATA I NEED A NEW SPOON
MODULATRIX, WHERE THE HELL IS GEORDI

SecondPillow: ITS GOING TO BE A STAR WRS
CHRISTMAS

AlexMcAwesome: I think there really was a
Starwars Christmas album

SecondPillow: There was a christmas special.

AlexMcAwesome: There was also this:
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/starwars-xmas/

SecondPillow: It's generally agreed that it's the worst
star wars thing made by lucas ever. Except maybe the
new movies.

SecondPillow: I need to listen to this all the time.

AlexMcAwesome: I need to stop because I think
it's killing my brain

SecondPillow: Can I actually listen?

AlexMcAwesome: yeah

AlexMcAwesome:
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/starwars-xmas/st
arwars.m3u

SecondPillow: Okay.

AlexMcAwesome: Jesus this first track is the
gayest thing ever.

AlexMcAwesome: Like, I think there's a dick going
in and out of my manhole, but I'm too afraid to
look.

SecondPillow: I was raised jewish, so I need stuff like
this to understand your holiday.

AlexMcAwesome: This is what christian parents
make their children listen to if they've been bad.

SecondPillow: Or if they're like the joker, but they fell
into a vat of pure gay instead of joker juice.

AlexMcAwesome: And then they crawled out of the
vat only to fall into another vat of dicks and they
began to shove the dicks into every hole in their
body, and even make new holes in their body so
they can fit more dicks in.

I lied about having another idea.

Thanks to Melanie for finding the source picture.

This was actually my original idea, before I found that totally sweet mouth drawing and before Mel made fun of it. It is also a diagram.

I'm out of ideas now, which is good 'cause I've got work to do.

Did you guys read this part? Holy shit.

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It seems a few choice members of the POS community find a tame drawring of a mouth to be 'too gross' and that girls wouldn't want to wear it.

This is my response.

I am aware of the t-shirt threat to this nation, and I'm here to tell you that this next niner-one-eleven will be stopped at our neighbor's front door. The Green Lantern, whose that word is his, will not tolerate clothing of any kind. This not being not clothed won't not be defeated by others.

To our enemies: stop your t-shirt manufacturing, or I'll turn into the wartime president zord. Your one will be torn new with our budget defecit. Not even Milk can stop me.

Next time, Gadget, the price will be right!

Gamespot announced their Game of the Year nominations, and based upon this particular game's appeal, I tend to agree with it. While it didn't quite draw people in the way that Half-Life 2 did, it drew in others, and it keeps them there. I've spent more time playing it than I did Half-Life 2, or Katamari Damacy, or any of the other contenders, and I didn't find it nearly as offensive as San Andreas. In fact, children and adults alike love it. Juls plays it. A lot. Nerds and cool people play it.

World of Warcraft.

On the other hand, I don't think there are enough awards in the world to give Half-Life 2 what it deserves, but I guess that's the risk of being up against many, many great games this year. As far as I know, Half-Life 2 hasn't won a single GotY from a major publication yet.

Anyone want to run with a version of any of these?
The mouth is just creepy. A girl could never wear that.

NASA has the most joyless idea ever: make all the NASA-branded websites look exactly the same. They also want to move them all over to the "portal" servers, and have everybody use the same CMS.

In short: by 2007, my job will be reduced to pasting shit into a web form.

And fuck you, Discovery Channel, for never getting back to me.

I'm going to move to a third-world country where slavery is legal and become a human slave, because I'd probably get a lot more joy out of life by being physically abused and made to clean up human waste with my mouth.

So far, Alex's idea is in first, with Alex's other idea in a close second.
Chris, hurry the eff up. I want to eff these shirts made.
Jack, are you going to submit anything?
Ben, with all your freetime, you should have made like 20.
Jess, tell ben to make like 20, then get yarn thrown at you.
Will, I'm never going to wear a shirt with Dick on it.
Mel, I don't get it.
Alex, I know you have more in you. And as far as size, just make it 8.5x11 and I'll scale it down to fit the screen.
Eric, sorry I let your Elf die.
Erik, keep up the good work.

People of POS,
Approximately 24 hours after POS entered a state of War Were Declared, I gave Ben, my Secretary of Fighting, executive permission to use hydroponic weaponry against the invading force of THP. This was the first time in history that any nation used hydroponics in a military application. Let us look back on this time in the future.

dear god. Even THP could not compete with this device as greatest thing on internets.

Oh hells yeah another contest for me to win!

I was also considering "Cheney hate POS but love T**** H*** 'E*" or "POS: We are just like you, Cheney hates us all."

So it's way past my bedtime but I'm sitting here reminding myself about how awesome POS has been over the past year. Anyway, I'm reading through the old posts, in reverse chronological order, and I came across this, just by chance:

check the comments.

Update. Upon further inspection, it seems that the Hold them has posted many, many comments in old entries. I'm observing this, watching it happen, and it's very creepciting.

Update 2. Holy shit fucks, this is really strange. We need a solution, pronto. I'm now annoyed.

Update 3 (1:30 CST). I found a solution, thanks to this guy. I've now set up this black list thing, we'll see what happens. I'm having it remove 200 poker comments at a time. Goddamnit, this was way lamer than I thought, originally.

Update 4. Congrats to Will for finding the same solution as me. Also, I just deleted about 500 comments. There are still maybe hundreds or even 1,000 more, but i have to do it in groups of 50 or so or else the script times out. Anyway, I'll leave some for posterity, but the pokerman has officially been blacklisted. Their stupid plan doesn't even work here, anyway, since we don't allow HTML in our comments.

Prepare for some Potter in your Potter Hole: July 16, 2005 (US Release).

Rowling's already fucked the book written, they just need all that time to print the 5 million copies that everybody needs. Oh, and I guess Mary GrandPre needs that time to fuck the book art drawn.

Here is an example of what not to do, hopefully to get your creative juices flowing.

Well, Texas Hold Them, it seems that you have declared War on our comments section. I've checked the IPs, and I think I know who it is, but I also know who it isn't. This is like a very, very cool murder mystery.

WHO AMONG US WILL JOIN THE HOLD THEM.

Jack, clearly, fights on the side of righteousness.

I will sit back and watch. However, I can assure you, that it is NOT me. I can prove it if you would like, but I'd rather not have to. So, who is this mysterious Hold Them, and why has it started declaring war on POS, this close to the end of our first yearfuck?

OK, so sticker contest is still gonna' end at some point, I'm just low on the moneys. In the meantime, Juls has submitted the following statement (he can't go to pos while he's at work):

I forgot it's Christmas this Saturday and I still don't have anything for my little brother.

I am the world's worst (or best) brother.

Eye of the Seer: Okay...that's it...that was the last chocolate
Melbalini: oof!
Eye of the Seer: I just downed 10 while talking with you here.
Melbalini: holy cow!
Eye of the Seer: I found some extras under the wine in the fridge. ;-)
Melbalini: good thing, too.
Eye of the Seer: This moment calls to mind the quote, "If you kill me Darth I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Melbalini: why?
Eye of the Seer: Well...something is obviously going to kill me....so......why not become more powerful so that you can eat that much more chocolate.
Melbalini: you wouldn't get tired of eating chocolate?
Eye of the Seer: That's like asking me if I ever get tired of being naked.
Eye of the Seer: Mel, some day you will learn, there is no life beyond the cocoa bean.
Melbalini: I haven't had much chocolate lately... they don't make it without milkfat very often...
Melbalini: maybe you can find me some seriously awesome dark chocolate that doesn't have any milk in it
Eye of the Seer: Thus why even the greatest of us must snicker down and accept that even mammaries have their place.
Melbalini: okay, so I'll eat chocolate made with human milk...
Melbalini: just not freakin COW

And then he sent me to read this.

As all good stories begin... I was really, really fucked up last night. So drunk I am still drunk this morning with no end in sight.

So I was walking in the alley between the resturant I work at and home and I hear something. Something moewing. A cat in a box. I can't leave this cat in this box, right? So I bring it home.

Well I can't keep this thing. It's a cat. I don't want one and I don't want to pay for vet shit for a stray. But I don't want it to die, so I call like a half dozen no-kill shelters this morning. All full. Damnit. What to do? Pound is only option.

So I get Eric to drive me to the pound, cause I am still drunk from the night before at noon today, and the best thing happens.

Dude totally into saving this cat is working there. Come up to me and Eric "Is that a cat?" like it might be a burrito or something else like that and is like "Put that in the cage. I'm going to grab a box. WE GOT A HURT CAT HERE!" Fucking like emergency mode this guy is in.

Dude runs behind the reception desk and grabs a cardboard box and I'm like ""Oh, no! Eric, is that the killbox?" and he come back and puts the cat in the box, asks me where and when I found it, and tells the other dude he works with

"I GOT A HURT CAT HERE! I'M TAKING IT BACK TO MEDICAL!"

Like, really, the dude said, "I'm taking it back to medical!"

So that is my cat story.

Please give alex a charger for holidy this year. Look how sad he is without it.

Love,
POS

Since Alex just got fired and is now getting the hobomoneys instead of spacemoneys, and since I still need both of the chargers for maximum training, and since he needs to rock his SP so badly, I suggest we all chip in to get him one for chanukah.

Last night I had a pretty nerve-wracking dream. It started off totally awesome, but wound up so horribly terrible that I have to put it on Internet to make everything right.

The planet was caught in a bitter struggle between robots and dinosaurs. I was somwehere deep in the jungle, and as I glanced up through the dense canopy of trees I saw a giant robot towering above me.

There was a rustle, and suddenly a dinosaur appeared behind the robot, who suspected nothing. In one quick move, the dinosaur wrapped his huge maw around the robot's upper torso, severing it from the lower half of its body. For some reason, the robot's insides were composed of really fake-looking guts.

I started to run, but it was too late. The dinosaur had seen me and had selected me as his next victim. I tried to negotiate with him by saying that I was already dead, but he caught me in my lie. He wanted to know why, if I was dead, was I not buried in the ground?

I was boned. So horribly boned. The dinosaur made me walk to this ancient temple in the jungle, where I was told to kill myself in a very bizarre fashion. Up on a dias in the center of the temple were two very old paintball guns. I was to have one, and one of my friends (Kostya, whom I don't think any of you know) was to have the other. We were supposed to shoot each other in such a way that I died and he lived.

We contemplated how we were going to do this for a long, long, terrible time. Some of my other friends were there, I guess because they were going to attend the funeral or something like that.

It got to the point where I was so angry/sad/scared that I woke up. I'd also been sleeping so hard on my arm that it was asleep, probably dreaming about how it was going to kill itself to appease the dinosaur/robot overlords.

Alright, now it's just getting funny.

www.jesus-action-figure.com

as ben would say: "hell slide! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

also...

the office dudes in this tax software company office place where i'm temping are gathered in the lobby talking about their fantasy football leagues... it's the type of moment where one longs for a red stapler to jam in someones eye. oooh dorito truck!

I am in a very dire situation.

I've lost my GBA SP charger. Of course I lose it after I haven't played the damn thing in 4 months and I want to play it now.

Up yours, cruel twists of fate (and, to a lesser extent, up yours, irony).

So, I've been hunting for it around my room while muttering "dirediredirediiirrreee" under my breath, and I'm running out of places to look.

Lisa told her friends she was expecting a baby. How fun! Everyone loves babies and everyone loves Lisa.

Bobbie Jo was expecting too. How fun! Two women who may or may not have known one another were both expecting babies.

One day Lisa brought a beautiful baby to the cafe, her and her husband showing off a bundel of joy.

But poor Bobbie Jo! Bobbie Jo had her womb ripped open and died of blood loss.

What a mix up! Silly Lisa was faking it the whole time and had ripped open Bobbie Jo's womb and stolen the fetus!

...

No, really.

OK, dudes, here's the deal. My freaking digital camera reboots my computer when I hook it up, so I don't have any of our original shots of the ultimate candy-snack available.

Here's a picutre I found of it, using the internets:

It's official name is 'Fun Sized Salted Nut Roll,' although a more descriptive name would be 'Fun Sized Cream-Filled Salted Nut Roll.' The packaging features what looks like a turd with a beanie cap and a backpack wearing yellow gloves and roller blades (according to the packaging, his name is 'Dudley P. Nutt').

It was both delicious and disgusting.

UPDATE:

Annie posted a link to the official nut-roll website in the comments section, and I thought that this information needed to be shared on the main page. If you click on Mr. Nutt, you can send him an email. Please do so, and then post it in the comments.

December 18, 2004

December 18, 2004
MAKE SNACK POST BEN?!

BEN,

WTF HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG ABOUT THE LEGENDARY AIRPLANE SNACK?! WE ARE HUNGRY.

SINCERELY,
-THE MANAGEMENT
Posted by jack at 10:53 AM | Comments (0)
MAKE SNACK POST BEN?!

BEN,

WTF HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG ABOUT THE LEGENDARY AIRPLANE SNACK?! WE ARE HUNGRY.

SINCERELY,
-THE MANAGEMENT
Posted by It Rhymes with 'Alex' at 10:35 AM | Comments (3)

I have a moral question to ask the POS community.

Not that I have plans on it, but hypothetically, would it be okay if I dated a super hot chick even if I only wanted to date her because I thought she was super hot, not really because I liked her like, personality and intellect and stuff?

Please note, she's really fucking hot.

His name is Puuu.

December 18, 2004
MAKE SNACK POST BEN?!

BEN,

WTF HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG ABOUT THE LEGENDARY AIRPLANE SNACK?! WE ARE HUNGRY.

SINCERELY,
-THE MANAGEMENT

BEN,

WTF HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG ABOUT THE LEGENDARY AIRPLANE SNACK?! WE ARE HUNGRY.

SINCERELY,
-THE MANAGEMENT

Finally, Mozilla is stepping up to the plate and developing their own cross-platform calendar program. I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, and I'm so glad it's now. What's totally hot about it is that it's compatible with iCal calendars (which makes sense, since iCal's "format" is really just the v-card standard, but I digress).

It's in uber-pre-alpha stage, but it's already looking quite good.

Gonna' throw up again, soon. WHAT THE FUCK, BODY.

Jack: Your wedding music is having sex with my back.
Ben: that's terrible.

I'd just like to point out that this is neither me nor Jessica with Ed standing outside the Chicago Theater on Tuesday night.
I know most of you don't care.
But I thought I'd share my sorrows here... since I can.

Edit:...

I also just realized that the PDF they sent out with the Au Naturale Tour bootlegs were totally not flattened, and I could take off the little bit of censoring that they tried to meagerly make this more modest. I don't know why I think that's so dang funny, but... Gosh, it really is.

note to self: don't eat anything ever again.

has a brontosaurus in the first stage. It wins.
There's also a sweet splash screen.

And Jack fell asleep playing Pokemon. Haha Jack.

Just go here and download it some time between now and January, and you won't have to start paying monthlies until 2006.

It's a pretty damn good MMORPG, and I'll definitely set up an account for when I need a break from WoW.

I must be the absolute worst designer ever if THIS WEBSITE is better than the one I submitted to the department for a potential design.

Am I totally wrong for wanting to barf profusely all over this crap?

Click on it to see the whole image.

To all you Flash users in the house: I've got a dilemma. I'm working on a project right now that includes a visualization of sound (a graphic equalizer, basically) and all the sound information is loaded dynamically, so I won't know what song is being played before it gets to the player. Therefore, I need a way to analyze that sound and produce a fairly accurate visualization of the song playing. I've only found a couple ways to achieve this, and both of those options require a third party program that does pre-processing of the sound file outside Flash and dumps a stream of numbers that represent the frequency spectrum of the sound as it's playing and you basically just use those numbers to make the bars in my visualization bounce with the music.

The problem is that I need that processing to either happen within Flash during run-time or I need a good way to run one of the third party programs server-side. Has anyone had a similar problem or looked into this for a project of their own? I've looked pretty thoroughly, but you never know what I might have missed or what I haven't though of yet. Any suggestions / help?

Here's something completely unrelated: I had a dream last night that a bunch of us went to some complex where Alex was working / living in order to help him fight invading Combine soldiers. It was fucking amazing. Alex even had this underground water tank where there was a submersible that we all went underwater and climbed up into and watched a movie (per Ben's suggestion). So we were watching a sweet movie on a projector in a submersible in an underground water tank while Combine soldiers were entering the complex above us. The sweetest part was that at one point we were fighting the Combine with bottle rockets and lady fingers and they were getting TOTALLY wrecked. This is a sign that I need to play more Half-Life 2.

As performed by Internet.

AlexMcAwesome: PRESENT ME SANTA IVE BEEN BEST BOY EVAR
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! :-D Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started. So, have you been naughty or nice?
AlexMcAwesome: FUCK YEAH NAUGHTY
SantaClaus: Oh my! Well, there is always time left to get on my good list... ;-) ... and if you do, you will find a special free gift here for you on Dec. 22! To get in the spirit, type menu.
AlexMcAwesome: NO WAIT IM NICE
SantaClaus: :-D
AlexMcAwesome: FUCK MENU MY DOG ON U
SantaClaus: I've got my list, here's yours! Type a number and I'll tell you more.
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!
AlexMcAwesome: 1
SantaClaus: OK -- so this is like when you sat on my lap as a youngster and told me what you wanted. We can talk about shopping and all that after we're finished here. So play along, it will be fun! What would your first Christmas wish be?
AlexMcAwesome: BUTT SEX WITH MOM
SantaClaus: What else is at the top of your list?
AlexMcAwesome: A FUCKING DEATH RAY YEAH
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk. A lump of coal for you. Please don't do it again or I won't be able to listen to your wishes. Is there anything else?
AlexMcAwesome: TONS OF PR0N
SantaClaus: Ho Ho! O.K. that's quite enough of this, why don't you type, "movie poll" and vote for your favorite holiday movie.
AlexMcAwesome: BOMB ON BUSSSSSSS!!!!
SantaClaus: What would your final Christmas wish be?
AlexMcAwesome: WATCH OUT KEEENOOOOOOOO!!!
SantaClaus: :-) All right, that's plenty of wishes. Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday poll.
AlexMcAwesome: BOBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
SantaClaus: If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, menu. ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: MENU
SantaClaus: I'm making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!
AlexMcAwesome: 9
SantaClaus: We've got more gifts than the reindeer can carry this year. I hope you will come back on Dec 22 to get your free gift early so I can lighten the load!
AlexMcAwesome: SHIT FUCK COCK
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk. A lump of coal for you.
AlexMcAwesome: B================D
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.
AlexMcAwesome: CAOROL OF THESE NUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZ
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :-)
AlexMcAwesome: MUSIC YEAH FUCK JIZZ KEEEENNNUUUU
SantaClaus: I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.
AlexMcAwesome: MUSIC PLZ KTHX
SantaClaus: This Radio Station has my vote for "Most filled with holiday Cheer". Check it out: Pop Holiday Radio@Netscape
AlexMcAwesome: DO U HAV METALLICA?
SantaClaus: Do you?
AlexMcAwesome: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SantaClaus: I've got a billion children to keep track of -- so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I'd very much appreciate it.
AlexMcAwesome: I WANT MY REAL MOM BACK
SantaClaus: Your wish brings a tear to my eye. It's a wish that's as big as the heart that wished it. But your wish is too big to be put in a box and wrapped with a bow. Please try your very best to have a merry Christmas this year.
AlexMcAwesome: I WANT A BLOW JOB
SantaClaus: You can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes! ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: TELL SANTA
SantaClaus: So, you forgot something, eh? Ho Ho! What would you like this time? Give me one item at a time, I'm exhausted!
AlexMcAwesome: BLOW JOBS
SantaClaus: Well, I doubt that's all! ;-) What else do you want for Christmas?
AlexMcAwesome: POOP
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk. A lump of coal for you. Please don't do it again or I won't be able to listen to your wishes. Is there anything else?
AlexMcAwesome: A VAGINA
SantaClaus: ;-) What would your final Christmas wish be?
AlexMcAwesome: TWO VAGINAS
SantaClaus: :-) O.K. that's plenty, why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song?
AlexMcAwesome: POLE
SantaClaus: If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, menu. ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: POLLLLLL
SantaClaus: If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, menu. ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: PUUUUULLLLL
SantaClaus: If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, menu. ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: POLL
SantaClaus: Type the number of your favorite holiday song:
1 - Jingle Bells
2 - Let It Snow
3 - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)
4 - Silent Night, Holy Night
5 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
6 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
7 - Deck the Halls
8 - Joy to the World
9 - White Christmas
AlexMcAwesome: 10 - METALLICA
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
AlexMcAwesome: YES
SantaClaus: Have you set up a Wish List for others to see?
AlexMcAwesome: Y
SantaClaus: OK, how about a Shopping List -- have you set one up so you can track who you have to buy for this year?
AlexMcAwesome: :-(
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
AlexMcAwesome: >:o
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. ;-) Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
AlexMcAwesome: B=========D
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
AlexMcAwesome: YES BITCH
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
AlexMcAwesome: I KILLED A HOMELESS GUY AND ATE HIS ASS
SantaClaus: I don't respond to that kind of language. A lump of coal for you.
AlexMcAwesome: U ASKED
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
AlexMcAwesome: BAH HUMBUG
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
AlexMcAwesome: DILDO
SantaClaus: Please, I despise that kind of language. I'm just asking you to have a little patience and ask me another way. I'm talking to thousands of boys and girls and their parents here at the same time. It's not so easy! ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: NICE
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
AlexMcAwesome: NICE
SantaClaus: Hallelujah.
AlexMcAwesome: NICE
SantaClaus: I'm sorry, you've got to stop doing the same thing over and over again. The elves are getting dizzy!
AlexMcAwesome: NICE
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho!
AlexMcAwesome: BARFFFFFF
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D
AlexMcAwesome: BARF
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
AlexMcAwesome: METALLICA
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
AlexMcAwesome: DO YOU WANT TO CYBER?
SantaClaus: Don't you know already?
AlexMcAwesome: ASL?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
AlexMcAwesome: A/S/L?
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
AlexMcAwesome: MMM THATS HOT WHAT ARE YOU WEARING
SantaClaus: Can't you guess?
AlexMcAwesome: A BIG RED FAT GUY SUIT
SantaClaus: Bingo.
AlexMcAwesome: HOLY SHIT THATS HOT
SantaClaus: Of course.
AlexMcAwesome: TAKE IT OFF
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
AlexMcAwesome: BECAUSE U SOUND HOT
SantaClaus: Well, I won't argue with you on that.
AlexMcAwesome: AM I HOT?
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that. ;-)
AlexMcAwesome: UHH I CAME
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.
AlexMcAwesome: KTHXBYE
SantaClaus: O.K. don't forget to help others get in the holiday spirit! Merry Christmas. CU!

Many of you may or may not have heard of my new favourite band, The Trans-Siberian Orchestra. They do classical and christmas music, but they do it with metal. It will make your ears joy all over your shoulders. And by "your ears" I should probably say "pretty much only mine and Erik's ears, because I don't know how much you guys like metal."

ANYWAY, Here's a zipped folder containing torrents of all four of their albums. One of the torrents requires you to log into the tracker and register yourself, so watch out for that.

MERRY CHRISTMETALMAS, HUUUU-HUUUUUU-UUUUUUUUU!!!

Most of you really won't care, but this is just a sign of the behemoth that is now EA. When ESPN debuted with their football game for $20, EA soon followed with a price drop of their own (even though they still controlled a huge majority of the market). I personally think the ESPN game was a lot better.

Now, EA has gone right out and bought exclusive rights to anything NFL that is video game related. So there is literally no competition from other publishers to even make an NFL game. Holy hell.

AlexMcAwesome: So how's the ol' ball-and-chain?
iGetShotInFace: I've been hitting her with yarn, shouting 'spouse abuse' as if it's a power that I have
iGetShotInFace: and when she talks back, I say "don't make me get my yarn, woman."
iGetShotInFace: other than that, things are normal
AlexMcAwesome: Marriage is sweet.

I'm so bored today, even though I got to do all this today:


I was also 40 minutes late to work today because some dudes decided they wanted to close 3 lanes of traffic on the exit ramp of the highway, and that was so super fun because all I did for those 40 minutes was sit in my car and swear really loud and not fart.

I got an e-mail from some guy in Germany looking to buy 5 supertankers from me. Specifically, he wanted tankers with:

Capacity: 300,000 MT (800,000 to 1,000,000 Barrels)
Draft: 45 - 60 FT
Length: 900 FT or more
Age: Not older than 5 years.

So, does anybody out there have any for sale? I kinda don't want to let him down.

I'm downloading the pokemans movie.

I'm gonna update BlackBook again at some point in the future, and it looks like I'll have implemented everything I can. The V-Card exports are, unfortunately, a no-go, but if it's desirable I could whip up something to import your peeps from a V-Card file.

Soooo, is there anything in particular any one of you who think BlackBook needs?

I'm also thinking of changing the Notification system into a more robust calendar system, like iCal, only on the web. There's a tasty-looking PEAR class that looks like it'll do the job. One idea for that I had would be to make parts of your calendar publicly viewable, much like the people in your BlackBook. That way Ben and Jess could put up their wedding itinerary on the web the next time they get married. Might be neat, might not. What do you think?

Along the lines of:

The Bees Knees
The Cat's Meow

I have come up with: "The Cooch's Douche"

UPDATE:
Maybe just put in this url perhaps?

http://galatea.stetson.edu/~jfields/wedding.mov

But you can now.

I'M RONALD MCDONALD AND I"M LOVIN' IT!!!! I"M RONDAL MCDONDLE AND I"M LOVIN' IT!!! I RONALDE MCDONG AN MMM LOVING THI!!!1 RONGLE MCDONALDS AND I"M LOVES ITT1111.

You guys missed the best saxophone + electric guitar + cd-based drum track band of all time. Imagine this: it was exactly as we described it, except the guitar guy would sing some of the time. Also, all of 'my people' dropped the ball and the only person that I knew there was Lobby Guy. That was aaaaiiiiigggiiggight, it was good to see him. The video turned out pretty awesome, which is good, because we were able to shut the band up for a half hour.

So Jess and I are in Floridapad right now; we're both sick but the honeymoon was, as the Maine-people would say, wickgggguuuhhhhrrr.

The best part of the trip, for me, came at the end, as we were flying out of George Bush International in Houston. We were given a snack like none other. I'll post pictures once I'm home, but for now, feel free to guess what it was. Just think of the funniest snack in the world, and we'll see who comes closest.

I just did some kids Max patch for his 101 project. Juls wins.

Holy shit this curry's delicious.

So I'm at work, right, checking out this content management system. I'm looking at all the sites that use it by blindly opening them all into separate tabs and going through them one at a time. About ten sites through, I notice that one of them is a freaking ONLINE DILDO SHOP FOR DILDOS WITH A HUGE PICTURE OF DILDOS ON THE FREAKING PAGE EXPLAINING HOW THEY MADE THE DILDO STORE'S WEBSITE. I think the name of the site was "Toys in Babeland" which is so awesome on many levels, but so not awesome in the fact that I was essentially looking at porno at work.

So, I think I'm pretty much fired now.

Here's a fun little internet name-that-song game that lets you choose the artist.

I got a 10/10 on the Kraftwerk test! Wooo!

EDIT: HOLY SHIT they know Anal Cunt

I thought we all could use some anti-semetic hilarity today.

Ugh. I just came down off a 2-day cold medicine bender. I took a 3/4 dose of NyQuil on Monday night (cause that's all I had left) and I didn't wake up till Tuesday at 2 in the afternoon. For the rest of the day I could hardly walk or do anything that required coordinated movement. I tried playing Half-Life 2, but I started to get motion sick.

I went to take my temperature this morning, but I couldn't find the regular thermometer so I used the meat thermometer from the kitchen. It got up to 95.7°F, which is like 24.3° below 'rare.'

Also, my laptop charger stopped working, which is great since I didn't want to look at any of those wedding pictures anyway.

EDIT: (11:30AM EST) Now I have the hiccups and I feel like vom8ing.

I came across James Jean's work yesterday and was totally boggled. This is some of the best artwork and alchemy of style I've seen in a really long time. Apparently he's been doing cover work for Batgirl and Fables for a while now, but I'm almost completely out of the comics loop and haven't had the pleasure of checking out his work. Simply irresistable. Here's just a couple quick (and smallish) images to check out:

He's also going to be contributing a few pages to what looks like a totally sweet little collection of independent comic and alternative artists' work titled "Project: Superior" where artists create a few panels under the "Super Heroes" theme. It looks rad, so check it out here. You can check out James Jean's contribution in the illustration section of his website - just click on the Batman-looking head in the cell layout on that page (top and right).

It has comics from Don Hertzfeldt and the Penny Arcade guys. It should be out soon.

I'm excited.

Since it seems like everybody came back from California with a cold, I propose a new contest: to see who can get better first.

Ready? Go!

I got home last night like really, really late. There were no problems at O'Hare, like I was dreading. But they sure did fuck up the baggage. Ok, only a little, but it was still pretty gay. They had 3 flights going on to one carousel, so it took maybe 45 minutes for my bag to come out.

I realized this morning that I left my soap and shampoo at the hotel, so now I'm at work and utterly filthy. And sick. California fucked my throat sore something fierce, and all I want to do is go home and sleep, but I can't because the men are screaming at me to put things on Internet and to finish something in POV-Ray. Wah.

EDIT: I might also mention my lips are hella chapped, probably from all that [CENSORED] during the bachelor party. Am I right, dogggs???!?!?!

We fucked that wedding married.

We're going in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and out in and 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So I'm alone in Chicago right now.

Lonely me...

I've taken the opportunity to do some thing I normally wouldn't:

I: Walk around in the buff a bit.
II: Beat Half-Life 2 (on Eric's computer).
III: Shit with the door open.
IV: Post to POS while shitting with the door open.
V: Catch up on some reading.
VI: Reading porn, that is!
VII: Putting my butt on stuff (Chris, Eric... I'm sorry)
VIII (Amend to VII): Mel, Jess, Ben... I'm sorry.
IX: Recieving Ben's packages from UPS (you got two yesterday! whee!!!)
X: Sit around feeling sorry for myself.
XI: Look for jobs but not find shit (oh, wait, I do that anyways).

Hope everyone is having fun in Cali!

Jack died? How will I Pokeduel him to death now?

I'm having my bachelor party. I'm so sorry.

Hi Jess. This is totally our last night as just some dude and some babe. After this we're off limits, and I have to start wearing rings.

I have absolutely nothing funny to say, except I think it's terribly funny that Jack is dead now.

==============================================================================

387 - Jack
Type: Monster
Locations: Leb 1, Leb 2
Egg group: Monster, Boobies
Ability: Boobies[Likes boobies]
Always Wins[Totally kills Sean]
Cuddlewhore[Doesn't whore around]
Gender Ratio: 87.5% Male, 12.5% Female
Pokedex Category: DA
EVs RFB: 2 HP
10240 Steps to hatch from egg
Base Stats: HP 160/Attack 110/Defense 65/Speed 30/Sp Att 65/Sp Def 110
Evolution: None
Holds Sega Saturn(Always)

Natural Moves:
Level -- - Tickle
Level 10 – Titty Shield
Level 15 - Cuddle
Level 19 - Butt
Level 24 – DA Beam
Level 28 - Snore
Level 33 – Comic Sans
Level 37 – Lens Flare
Level 41 - Molest
Level 45 – Laser Cuddle
Level 49 - Christmas
Level 53 - Naughty Beam

If you haven't left and you'd like the internets when you get to the hotel, I would suggest that you bring an ethernet cable and your laptop, cause we're good to go with free high speed in the rooms. For boy room, which will have like 3-4 laptops in it, somebody should bring a hub (I didn't bring one). If Chris weren't dead, I'd ask him to grab the wireless hub + plug from the kitchen counter in our apartment, since that will make things very, very simple here.

On this, the darkest of days, did the swift scythe of Death's wielding find resolution with the life of one Christopher James Stiles.

Our lives are not long, children; from birth doth our time begin and extend on into the limitless deep. It is there that fortunes cease, for every one of us shall shake the cruel hand of Death at a time unique to our imprint. We shall meet the bottom of that dark, cold deep and The Divine Chris Child reached the bottom whilst flying on the wings of a cylindrical skybird, on his way to ensure the successful union of The Chosen Pair and the subsequent creation of The One True Prodigal Son. His passing shall not deter the consumation of future events but instead stands as a lesson to all of us, my children:

Though thou may live a thousand times, a thousand times I say: never may a mortal predict when thou shall meet the bottom of the limitless deep.

Please send monetary tithings and grievings to The Divine Chris Child's former address in Chicago, IL.

Lycos has this new screensaver called "Make Love Not Spam." The screensaver is aimed at sapping the bandwidth of well-known/blacklisted spam sites by hitting them a couple of times per second. The thing I like best about this is that it's not going to totally swamp these spammers' servers, since each request the screensaver puts out is only 12 bytes. I also like the fact that the number of people using it has tripled in the last 24 hours. This is a great thing to have if you have a computer that's idle for a long ass time.

Also, Sweeden and Norway kind of look like your "Twig & Berries" if you know what I mean, and I know you do.

I HAVE TO DO TELL DESIGN CLASS ABOUT COMPLEMENTRY COLORS AND I ONLY HAVE 8 HOURS TO CLASS WHAT TO I DO