Velocity Equals Position Over Time

i ♥ the internet.

a few weeks ago, on a lark, i signed up for a free eharmony.com profile posting, ya know... "just to see." initially i limited my search field to local folk only as i figured what would be the point otherwise. during the first go round of searching i was shown i had one match. so i took a look at her profile and though she had a child she seemed like an interesting personality to at least get to know. also, seeing as she had a child the limited hormonal influence that i do have coursing through my body cited that if not she herself were a slut, then she probably has slutty friends. giggidy-giggidy.

thusly motivated, i sent her a standard issue "charming, introductory e:mail from mike wong™", of course excluding any mention of sluts or sluttiness. anywho... weeks pass with no response, so earlier this past weekend i was killing time and thought i'd scope out the status in eharmony.com land. not only did i find that there were no new matches, but also the previous lone match had closed communication.

after a moment of regret and consideration as to whether or not i should have just gone for broke in the introductory e:mail and called her a slut, my train of thought shifted to widening the search field to: THE ENTIRE CONTINENTAL U.S.!!!1

and to my surprise within 24 hours the marvleous fiend of a match-making software engine found my one true love located in california...

... much to my surprise she's a 5 feet tall, hearing impaired, latin girl with horrible grammar.

sweet.