September 22, 2004

It's on!

Ok, I want ask you Chicagans/Floridians/Koreans to help me out with a little prank. Here's the setup:

When I was at Hershey Park this weekend, a couple of my other 'macho' friends all took turns on one of those carnival games. It was the one where you hit something with a big hammer to make a little iron ball go up in the air to try and ring the bell. You know the one. Anyhow, as a "prize" they each won these inflatable mallets that make squeaky noises when you sequeeze the handle. They're pretty fun, actually, except they're just about the most flamboyantly gay things ever made. They're bright pink and green with yellow smileys all over it. Also, once properly inflated, they kind of resemble a penis.

So, one of my friends figured he was too macho for it and intentionally left it in my car, even though when I dropped him off he "had all [his] stuff". Berrrrrnnt! Busted. The hammer was blatantly lying on top of the seat next to him in plain sight. Well, that's not so bad. I can sort of understand someone who's totally not comfortable with being seen in public with me wanting to leave behind an extraordinarily gay inflatable hammerpenis. But, just for shits and giggles, I thought I'd try and get it back to him.

See, he'd also left his sweater in the car. So, what I did was carefully tuck the deflated hammer into his sweater, then gave it back to him on Monday evening. Tuesday evening, when I walked my doggers after work, I noticed the deflated hammer just lying there on my front steps.

I dunno if he intentionally left it there, or if he didn't notice it when it slipped out of his sweater, or what, but now it's on. I want him to get it back in the most unimaginably bizarre way possible.

Here's what I'm thinking: I'd mail someone the deflated hammer so you could mail it back to him, just in case he gets "clever" and decides to read the return-address on the package (or the stamp that the postal service puts on it with a zip code of the processing center - thus enabling him to figure out it was me).

The next part of the plan involves one, possibly two more steps. You could package it up and send it back to him right there. But I think I've talked to him about when I visited Chicago in the summer, so he might still know it was me sending it to you sending it to him (he's actually kinda smart). So, if anybody knows someone ouside of Chicago or Florida (cause he knows I went to school in Florida, too, and that I might still have friends there) or Maryland, you could send it to them, and they could then mail it back to my friend. Oh, I guess Korea's out, too, since Erik met my friend and I told him that you're in Korea now (unless you know some dudes from like China or Japtown or something). But I think sending my friend a package with kanji on it with a gay little hammer inside would be totally hilarious, even if he figured out where it really came from.

You could even take certain liberties with the packaging of the hammer. Like putting bright rainbow stickers on the cover, or putting little hearts over the 'i's, in stead of dots, in his name. Or send it to him piece by piece. I don't care. The point is: I want this hammer out of my hands, too, and I don't want him to know it was me what sent it to him.

So, who's in?

Posted by It Rhymes with 'Alex' at September 22, 2004 02:49 PM
Comments

Fun game! I know quite a few peeps around the way that'd be willing to participate. Places that are far away from you might include: Arizona, Washington, Texas, Maine, and here in Chicago we are within easy driving distance and post office drop-off for Wisconsin, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, etc.

Posted by chris at September 22, 2004 03:34 PM

If you overnight it, I am going to be in Virginia this weekend and can mail it from there (from the Homestead). I can ever get it to be like "from the Homestead."

Another option is that Moments in Grace (Jake Brown) is staying with us this weekend while on tour. We could give it to them to mail from some place while on the road.

Also, Chris goes to Wisconsin on a pretty regular basis. He could mail it from there, but it might take a few weeks, I don't know when he is planning on going next.

Or we could mail him poop.

Posted by Will at September 22, 2004 03:37 PM

You NEED to send that thing to erik in korea. The thought of your buddy getting pieces of the hammerpenis over a period of weeks in different boxes, covered with weird korean stuff and heart-dotted I's, is too precious to not do.

Posted by jack at September 22, 2004 04:12 PM

I think cutting it up and sending it all over the country and having it sent back is the best idea. For like two weeks he would be getting packages of all sizes from all over and have no idea what was going on...

We should also include notes to him, such as "I had a great time visiting Buttfuck, AK. I saw this and knew you would love it!" or "Free Gift from NOT GAY PORN!"

Oh the confusion, oh the magesty, or the embarrassing return addresses.

If anyone knows anyone going on international trips some time soon, they need to be in on this beotch!

Posted by Will at September 22, 2004 04:21 PM

I think you should space it out more. Like, he gets a piece of it, and then next year he gets another piece. You'd just have to stay in touch with the guy and keep his address, and I promise you we could go beyond funny to just creepy.

Also, all of the packages should contain the same message, only in different handwriting.

Something like "Thanks for the ride."

Posted by Ben at September 22, 2004 04:47 PM

Ben wins.

Posted by jack at September 22, 2004 05:31 PM

Ben, you are a ganster-prankster.

Posted by Anonymous at September 22, 2004 06:43 PM

Jake Brown is staying with me, bitch.

Posted by Burnout 3 Soundtrack at September 22, 2004 07:59 PM

I like Ben's idea, too. Though spreading it out over the year might be too long a time period. Maybe we could do it over the course of 3-4 months. Plus, the hammerpenis isn't all that big, so I don't think I could cut it up into that many parts.

I definitely want to get this party started soon, so I'll start writing stuff up and taking pictures, for posterity's sake. I want to protect my friend's privacy as much as possible, since the prospect of dozens of strangers sending him bits of a plastic hammer in the mail could possibly seriously freak him out. Plus, he's also going to law school, so I don't want him getting super freaked and start going all America Sue Crazy. Plus he knows cops. Crooked cops that'll cut your legs off.

So, I'm not sure how I want to proceed yet. I'll probably put together a basic 'package' that I'll mail out to our 'agents', who will then follow the instructions and mail their piece to my friend. In the mean time, I'll trust you guys (Ben, Chris, Will) to get me some agents. Jack, Juls, Mike!, you're all invited to participate, too. The only requirement is that you know people that are NOT from Florida, Chicago, Maryland, or Boston (I forgot that I have 2 friends living in Boston right now).

Erik, let me know ASAP if you want in on this. Crazy korean packages will make this prank so much more awesome, plus I know it'll take at least 30 American weeks for the mail to travel back and forth, so I want to get that leg started as soon as I can.

Sound good? Good.

Posted by Alex at September 22, 2004 10:59 PM

i can come up with ship points in connecticut, jersey, pittsburgh, nevada, texas, england, and possibly australia if needed.

Posted by mike! at September 22, 2004 11:34 PM

I'll be driving to Florida on October 21, so I'll be passing through Kentucky and Tennessee as well.

Posted by Ben at September 23, 2004 12:10 AM

hey whats up fellas,

so i guess everyone has been waiting to see if i'd be down for the cause, and im definitely down. i got korean friends here who can write anything you need in korean, to make it authentic. plus, if needed, ive got really good friends stationed in germany and italy, so it could make a world tour. just let me know what you need.

Posted by erik at September 23, 2004 01:03 AM

*pops a huge boner*

That's totally awesome, Erik.

I'm gonna put together the basic kit this weekend. Stay tuned.

Posted by Alex at September 23, 2004 08:51 AM

I have plenty of friends in the Philadelphia area, as well as New York, so I could help too if needed.

Posted by Sean at September 23, 2004 09:10 PM