Velocity Equals Position Over Time

Fable-log II

Apparently, I got so good at killing stuff they sent me to the Arena. It's pretty much what you think it is, only since I was such hot shit I decided I could do it naked. Which I did. Most of the enemies were pretty ordinary stuff that I've fought across Albion. Bandits, Hobbes, giant wasps, and rock trolls. Whisper came out during the third round to fight with me, but I swear to God that useless gunt didn't do shit. Seriously, where was she when I was getting my ass turned into mead by the rock trolls? She was off in the corner, running into one of the spinning blade traps over and over.

The "final" round we had to fight this giant scorpion thing that shot its babies at me. It was one of the most horrifying experiences I've ever had. After I mopped the floor with him, they announced a "final secret round" where I had to fight whisper.

Finally, I can get rid of that worthless hero. It was a short fight, and I beat her ass like a redheaded stepchild. Before I could strike the final blow, she pleaded for mercy. Yeah, right. Maybe if she hadn't dicked around during the rock troll round she'd still be around. Her brother was plenty pissed, but he's a gussy and I could lick him any day of the week. As a bonus, the totally hot mayor of Bowerstone thinks I'm hot shit now. Woo woo.

I picked up a new wife in Knothole Glen. Dowry was 500, not the best, but at least I didn't pay for the ring. Also, she puts out, which is good.

The mayor of Bowerstone has taking a liking to me, but the fucking bitch wants gems. Fuck that shit. I've got two other hoes I can bang. I did get her drunk, though, hoping that would satisfy her. It didn't, and things started to go downhill after I started to vomit at her feet.

I found this 'Temple of Skrom' thing in Darkwood. One of the dudes wanted me to bring 'followers' to him. I found some traders in a camp near by and brought them to the Temple. Turns out the temple guy wanted sacrifices. Whoops. Also, those merchants don't respawn. Shit.

Had my title changed from "Arseface" to "Piemaster." Now people say things like, "I can see Piemarster's been ea'in all the pies again!" And, "Awww, look at the piemarster wiv' all 'is pies!"

In Bowerstone, I found this place with, like, 10 chickens. I spent the next five minutes kicking them around for the hell of it. Upped my chicken-kicking distance record to 20! I'm still not sure what the units of measurements are around here.

Speaking of Bowerstone, I don't think I told you about the first time I step foot in there. Well, let's just say I was kicked out cause I was beating up the children.

The first wife is doing fine, though it looks like she's become the town drunk. I swear, as soon as the sun starts to set she's in the tavern. I'm beginning to wonder if she isn't seeing other men. Also, I got plastered for the hell of it, then I got like five other townsfolk drunk and made them follow me around for a little while. I lead them down to the beach, but then I started throwing up and it was so sweet.

Posted by It Rhymes with 'Alex' at September 27, 2004 11:08 AM